And what have I done this month? I've turned 45, managed to climb out of a 6 week depression with the help of a dear friend and a great therapist. I realized that there are many things I cannot control or change, gained insight into those around me, and took a TON of photos of The Boys' swim team. Oh, I also found a young buck near my house and managed to get a couple of decent shots, a Coopers Hawk, a flock of Turkey, and a cute fuzzy kitten. The non-deer shots were taken on a photo hunt to get the buck, which included hopping 8 fences, and being called a rebel by The Youngest.
Created with Admarket's flickrSLiDR.
What does August hold for me? More soul searching I'm sure, additional boundaries being set, visiting an old friend, and getting ready for the school year. Also I'm sure, additional yearning for adult company, though likely no movement on that front... I'll probably also read some fiction in an attempt to escape reality and continue to weather the pangs of The Boys' difficulties. Swim will end, Football will begin and clothes shopping will happen. My schedule really is dictated by those around me, and I will attempt to reclaim at least a bit of that. I will continue to photograph, and may even work more on exercising my physical being.
Tuesday, July 31, 2012
Monday, July 9, 2012
Another trip around the sun
Monday, June 4, 2012
Monday Evening Weekend Wrap Up
As the school year winds down, the extra curricular activities ramp up. My weekend actually started on Thursday with a field trip for the overnight camping we do every year with The Boys' class. We had fun, and this was the easiest year for me, as they are both at the age where they know what to do, and I can relax and photograph the nervous first timers. I did end up weeping about missing their teacher most terribly when she moves to Germany at the end of this week. A great adventure for her family, but she has been absolutely in my corner for YEARS, and now, she will be half a world away. I know she will be back, but still. I know that on any given day I have been able to walk into her classroom, and she will wrap me in a hug. I can't hug her for a while, and that makes me sad. Plus, I love that she swears more than me ;-)
Friday - More field trip, a lazy afternoon / evening at the beach, and dinner at my folks. I was wiped out after 2 days in the great outdoors, but did manage to sleep.
Saturday - no sleeping in as The Boys had football evaluations mid morning, and I had to get a graduation card for a party later that night. Spent the afternoon with some friends whom I hadn't seen in over a year as they are primarily friends of The Dude (since middle school), and I didn't want to disrupt the support they can provide for him, for which I am no longer responsible. Found out that The Dude is now living with his girlfriend, and her two kids. I don't know her, have never met her, and The Dude wants The Boys to spend the night. The Dude sent a forwarding address e-mail (not to me). Also found out that his version of events is vastly different than mine - which came as no surprise at all. Went to the graduation party of another longtime friend of The Dude's daughter and it was awkward, answering questions about The Dude and his well being for grandparents that do not know what is going on. Also had to answer those same questions from The Dude's step brother, whom we saw early in the day. Just a rough day overall.
Sunday - Another going away for the teacher moving to Germany. This one not as emotional because of the crowd assembled, and I don't know many of them very well. This was followed by the annual beginning of swim season BBQ with the swim team. Had to answer more questions there when The Dude came to pick up The Boys and take them to his girlfriend's house. I flat out asked, and he admitted that they are more than friends, and I said I want to meet her, if The Boys would be spending time with her and her kids. I honestly have nothing against her, and I hope they have a long and happy life together. I hope she is better able to weather all of the things I know are coming. I also hope she realizes that all of the time The Dude spends with her and her kids means that he is not spending that time with his own children. I can't protect her, and I can only wish her well. Also talked to D after reading an e-mail she is thinking of sending to her husband's mistress. I advised against it, only because of the venomous anger laced throughout. I love D, and I want her to be happy. I think she needs to deal with some of the issues she's been ignoring so that she can more effectively battle her cancer. I want her to be here for a much longer life.
I hope you all have a wonderous week!
Friday - More field trip, a lazy afternoon / evening at the beach, and dinner at my folks. I was wiped out after 2 days in the great outdoors, but did manage to sleep.
Saturday - no sleeping in as The Boys had football evaluations mid morning, and I had to get a graduation card for a party later that night. Spent the afternoon with some friends whom I hadn't seen in over a year as they are primarily friends of The Dude (since middle school), and I didn't want to disrupt the support they can provide for him, for which I am no longer responsible. Found out that The Dude is now living with his girlfriend, and her two kids. I don't know her, have never met her, and The Dude wants The Boys to spend the night. The Dude sent a forwarding address e-mail (not to me). Also found out that his version of events is vastly different than mine - which came as no surprise at all. Went to the graduation party of another longtime friend of The Dude's daughter and it was awkward, answering questions about The Dude and his well being for grandparents that do not know what is going on. Also had to answer those same questions from The Dude's step brother, whom we saw early in the day. Just a rough day overall.
Sunday - Another going away for the teacher moving to Germany. This one not as emotional because of the crowd assembled, and I don't know many of them very well. This was followed by the annual beginning of swim season BBQ with the swim team. Had to answer more questions there when The Dude came to pick up The Boys and take them to his girlfriend's house. I flat out asked, and he admitted that they are more than friends, and I said I want to meet her, if The Boys would be spending time with her and her kids. I honestly have nothing against her, and I hope they have a long and happy life together. I hope she is better able to weather all of the things I know are coming. I also hope she realizes that all of the time The Dude spends with her and her kids means that he is not spending that time with his own children. I can't protect her, and I can only wish her well. Also talked to D after reading an e-mail she is thinking of sending to her husband's mistress. I advised against it, only because of the venomous anger laced throughout. I love D, and I want her to be happy. I think she needs to deal with some of the issues she's been ignoring so that she can more effectively battle her cancer. I want her to be here for a much longer life.
I hope you all have a wonderous week!
Monday, May 28, 2012
Three Day Weekend wrap up
So much happened this weekend, I'm going to go backward from today.
Monday:
Despite specific instruction otherwise, The Oldest woke me up a mere 6 hours after I went to bed to ask me about a video camera. I couldn't fall back asleep, so the day started a cople of hours earlier than I'd planned. Ran to pick up doughnuts for The Boys after my shower, and put together snacks for the pool. Spent half the day hanging poolside while the boys swam and played. We were the only people at the pool all day, and the kids wanted friends to come over, but I'm sure they all had other plans. Kind of bummed us all out though. We all had sunscreen on,and we all got burnt. Damnit. Watched part of Alice in Wonderland together before their bed time. Made a couple of calls and briefly talked to my mom.
Sunday:
The Dude had The Boys for about 10 hours. I was dog sitting, and couldn't really go out of town, like I really wanted to, so I wandered about looking for shelving options, settling on a couple and putting them together, cleaning house, unpacking the rest of The Boys' room and basically making myself sore as hell with physical labor. Didn't really eat all day, and had killer cramps, so I suppose there would have been worse ways to spend time...
Saturday:
Slept in a bit and The Boys made their own breakfasts. Tried out my new French coffee press, but made the coffee too weak, and discovered that it didn't keep my coffee hot enough for as long as it took me to drink it. Will be better for camping with a gazillion people. Packed a picnic and took The Boys and The Dog to a local park that they wanted to visit. It wasn't as fun for them as they remember from the last time, but we hung out for half the day and walked the entire perimeter, visited another park for another walking tour and chilled at home for the night.
Friday:
Spent the afternoon putting together art portfolios for the 18 4th and 5th graders I had this year. There are a few amazingly talented kids in this group, and I hope they all continue to enjoy creating and working on their art. Was supposed to go to a party, but it was moved to next Friday. I took The Boys to my sister's to hang with their cousins, and I ended up kind of crashing her thing with a couple of her long time friends - one of whom actually reads this blog, and better pick up American Pie and watch it already. I saw it at Target for $7.50 and almost picked it up for her.
I hope everyone has a great week, and I have end of school year activities to prepare for, so yeah, still busy as hell...
Friday, May 18, 2012
It's been a while
About a month since my last post. I've spent this time struggling with and adjusting to being a single parent. I had to say goodbye to my dear beloved Duke after spending the last 15 years with him as a constant calming influence in my life. So many changes in my life.
A very dear friend, who has graced my Wicked Wednesday posts as D, and my Thoughtful Thursday posts at least once is essentially dying of cancer. This makes me so very sad. She is my age, still young, and going through a similar situation with her husband. She lives too far away to see regularly, but as soon as we know her new combo chemo schedule, I am going to go and visit.
My cousin's husband died on Mother's Day. We were not close, but he was still a part of my life and my family, and I will be sending my cousin a card and an e-mail to express my sorrow for her loss. They have 4 sons, 3 of whom are adults and a grandchild, so that makes it even more sad, that all of these people have been robbed of knowing him. He died of advanced and untreated cancer which riddled his intestines, and then spread to the rest of his body. That entire family follows a religion that does not seek medical care, choosing to handle heath issues within their belief system. In this instance, it makes me angry, but it was his choice to not seek medical care. I respect that decision, but not the way it is impacting his family.
A very dear friend, who has graced my Wicked Wednesday posts as D, and my Thoughtful Thursday posts at least once is essentially dying of cancer. This makes me so very sad. She is my age, still young, and going through a similar situation with her husband. She lives too far away to see regularly, but as soon as we know her new combo chemo schedule, I am going to go and visit.
My cousin's husband died on Mother's Day. We were not close, but he was still a part of my life and my family, and I will be sending my cousin a card and an e-mail to express my sorrow for her loss. They have 4 sons, 3 of whom are adults and a grandchild, so that makes it even more sad, that all of these people have been robbed of knowing him. He died of advanced and untreated cancer which riddled his intestines, and then spread to the rest of his body. That entire family follows a religion that does not seek medical care, choosing to handle heath issues within their belief system. In this instance, it makes me angry, but it was his choice to not seek medical care. I respect that decision, but not the way it is impacting his family.
Sunday, April 15, 2012
Holy Shittake Mushrooms
OMFG this weekend and the previous two weeks have been intense.
Some of the things that have happened:
The Boys and I have moved homes. The Dude did not move with us.
The Youngest gave himself a concussion.
The Oldest had to have 12 stitches in his knee.
Both of those happened on the same weekend.
I had it out with both The Dude and My Mother within 4 days, and realized exactly how similar they are.
I fell and put my teeth through my lip, bruised my neck and both knees and elbows.
My Mother fell down the stairs at my new place, possibly bruising a rib.
The Old Man Dog - Duke tore out a toenail, bleeding all over. His other rear leg deteriorated beyond reason, and he stopped eating, and started trowing up bile. It is likely that he will not survive the week at this point, and maybe not even the day.
I am just sad and tired and conflicted.
Some of the things that have happened:
The Boys and I have moved homes. The Dude did not move with us.
The Youngest gave himself a concussion.
The Oldest had to have 12 stitches in his knee.
Both of those happened on the same weekend.
I had it out with both The Dude and My Mother within 4 days, and realized exactly how similar they are.
I fell and put my teeth through my lip, bruised my neck and both knees and elbows.
My Mother fell down the stairs at my new place, possibly bruising a rib.
The Old Man Dog - Duke tore out a toenail, bleeding all over. His other rear leg deteriorated beyond reason, and he stopped eating, and started trowing up bile. It is likely that he will not survive the week at this point, and maybe not even the day.
I am just sad and tired and conflicted.
Monday, March 5, 2012
Monday morning weekend wrap up
Let's start this one on Thursday, because it's my wrap up, and I can start it wherever I damned well please...So yeah, Thursday - The Boys had a field trip to the California Academy of Sciences in San Francisco. I drove my boys, two other boys and another mom. The drive was the usual telling the kids to not yell. Oh, and I'd rented a minivan to transport us all, as my car is out of registration. I'd paid it, but it hasn't yet passed smog testing and I haven't had the funds to have it repaired. The last time I was in the city with a car out of reg, the second I entered Golden Gate Park, I got a $150 ticket. So it actually cost me less to rent a minivan. I will never buy a minivan though, because every noise is funneled to the wedge shaped windshield, and into my ear drum, piercing my brain. I hadn't been to the Academy since my own school days and the improvements are great. The Boys loved it, and made me promise to take them back soon, so maybe a spring break or summer trip? I skipped yoga, with the intent of sleeping in preparation of Friday, and instead had dinner at the restaurant and went to my parents' to tell them what has been going on in my life. I'd been dreading telling them, having been through Sis' divorce and how they handled that. They were very supportive and treated me with respect and like an adult. I was happy with the outcome, but didn't get to bed before midnight.
Friday - I had to be out of the house by 6:30 in the morning in order to make it to a training class by 8:00. Much like three years ago, the management employees at my place of work are being trained to work union jobs in the chance of a strike during contract negotiations. This time around, I had 52 on-line courses and three live classes. Friday was the first, where we learned about personal protective equipment (read safety glasses, hard hats, gloves, boots, rubber insulated gloves), how to deploy and use a 28 foot extension ladder, and how not to get electrocuted. It was eight hours long, and too far to drive. I picked up The Boys at a friend's and we had some yummy Thai food for dinner. I actually went to bed at a decent hour.
Saturday - I woke up in a panic because it was The Boys' school rummage sale which I agreed to work. I made it there in plenty of time, although it opened early and was jam packed when I got there. I took pictures, and wandered around helping where I could. The Dude dropped off The Boys and they hung out, played and helped for the day. After clean up, The Oldest went to a friend's and The Youngest and I made lunch and hung out. The Dude came home, and I went out to dinner and a couple of clubs where I realized how dismal the dating scene really is. I did get hit on by a couple of people who really aren't my type, and danced, and drank, and didn't have to drive. Stopped at IHOP after last call and came home.
Sunday - took a shower at 3:30 in the morning when I came home so that I didn't smell of cigarettes and desperation. I don't smoke and don't like to smell like I do, nor have my hair, jammie's and sheets smell like it. Forgot my alarm was still set from Friday, so after one hour, I was hitting snooze until I could climb from my stupor to turn off the alarm and slept until 11. Got up, did laundry, and The Dude decided to quiz me on my night, wanting to know who I went with, where I went and whether I'd hooked up with anyone. He also said he wants me to tell him if and when I do hook up so he can hear what it was like. Seriously? What. The. Fuck. I told him he was way out of line and his asking was offensive. He was taken by surprise that I would think that. I don't even know what the fuck I am dealing with here... Later that same day, I took The Boys to see Alice in Wonderland, as performed by the local theater company. My Mom got the tickets, and The Boys had fun. We stopped at the drive through dairy for soft serve and went back to my folks' to visit. Came home, barbecued a tri tip, made green and potato salads and did more laundry. Went to bed at a decent hour.
I cram a ton of stuff into my weekends... Makes me tired to even think about them.
Friday - I had to be out of the house by 6:30 in the morning in order to make it to a training class by 8:00. Much like three years ago, the management employees at my place of work are being trained to work union jobs in the chance of a strike during contract negotiations. This time around, I had 52 on-line courses and three live classes. Friday was the first, where we learned about personal protective equipment (read safety glasses, hard hats, gloves, boots, rubber insulated gloves), how to deploy and use a 28 foot extension ladder, and how not to get electrocuted. It was eight hours long, and too far to drive. I picked up The Boys at a friend's and we had some yummy Thai food for dinner. I actually went to bed at a decent hour.
Saturday - I woke up in a panic because it was The Boys' school rummage sale which I agreed to work. I made it there in plenty of time, although it opened early and was jam packed when I got there. I took pictures, and wandered around helping where I could. The Dude dropped off The Boys and they hung out, played and helped for the day. After clean up, The Oldest went to a friend's and The Youngest and I made lunch and hung out. The Dude came home, and I went out to dinner and a couple of clubs where I realized how dismal the dating scene really is. I did get hit on by a couple of people who really aren't my type, and danced, and drank, and didn't have to drive. Stopped at IHOP after last call and came home.
Sunday - took a shower at 3:30 in the morning when I came home so that I didn't smell of cigarettes and desperation. I don't smoke and don't like to smell like I do, nor have my hair, jammie's and sheets smell like it. Forgot my alarm was still set from Friday, so after one hour, I was hitting snooze until I could climb from my stupor to turn off the alarm and slept until 11. Got up, did laundry, and The Dude decided to quiz me on my night, wanting to know who I went with, where I went and whether I'd hooked up with anyone. He also said he wants me to tell him if and when I do hook up so he can hear what it was like. Seriously? What. The. Fuck. I told him he was way out of line and his asking was offensive. He was taken by surprise that I would think that. I don't even know what the fuck I am dealing with here... Later that same day, I took The Boys to see Alice in Wonderland, as performed by the local theater company. My Mom got the tickets, and The Boys had fun. We stopped at the drive through dairy for soft serve and went back to my folks' to visit. Came home, barbecued a tri tip, made green and potato salads and did more laundry. Went to bed at a decent hour.
I cram a ton of stuff into my weekends... Makes me tired to even think about them.
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