Love Dare Day 13

Today's Dare:

Talk with your spouse about establishing healthy rules of engagement. If your mate is not ready for this, then write out your own personal rules to “fight” by. Resolve to abide by them when the next disagreement occurs.If a house is divided against itself, that house will not be able to stand.

OK, there is something that has recently surfaced about this dare. It seems to be driven by the desire to keep a failing relationship together. I'm all for trying that, but my relationship, while not always on a smooth path, is certainly nowhere near this dire. I've been skimming the official blog, and these folks are at the end of their relationships, so I can see where some of this would help. Me and The Dude? We're fine. Seriously, we piss each other off sometimes, but we rarely fight. We disagree about lots of things, but we always respect each other's opinions, and most of the time find a compromise we can both live with. But really, we agree on alot more than we disagree. And even during the rocky parts, we only ever really fought about once a year. That was before I learned to just say what was bothering me in the moment, and get over it. I used to bottle it all up, harboring resentments for months, then about once a year, it would all crash and come pouring out of me! That wasn't a particularly healthy way to be and I'm over it now.

Today is Friday the 13th, and it seems like the number 13 is rather lucky for me (unlike the Knights Templar). The Dude and I were married on the 13th, and had 13 people in the wedding party. And today? Today I had THREE job offers in my e-mail when I logged on! I have accepted one of those offers after grilling everyone I knew who also knew the managers I would be working for. I've picked what I think is by far the best fit for my skills, knowledge, desires, and management style. I am looking forward to being happy and excited about what I do again! I am looking forward to the weekend, even with all of the things we'll be doing because I won't also be worried about work - what a relief!

Of course the best laid plans... On Tuesday, my folks were over for dinner and mentioned that they thought they had a virus on the computer, and could I come over sometime and look at it. I guess today was the time limit on that, as I got a call from them while also working with 3 kids on a science project due Monday, and visiting with my father-in-law, whom I call The Geez. The Geez lives in AZ, and is here for a short visit. It was nice to see him, but I didn't really get to visit. So I agreed to go look at a computer after dinner. I went instead of dinner because since I made that plan, the boys and The Dude were invited to pizza with The Dude's step brothers. I was at my folks for THREE hours fixing the problem. I was successful, but now I'm really very tired. Not because staring at a computer is tiring (even though it is), but because my folks want to know HOW this could have possibly happened, and WHO might have done this, and do I think maybe it was (name your choice of ridiculous person/organization here). That and they also second guess everything that I am doing on the computer, as well as wanting me to slow down so that they can read EVERYTHING that comes up on the screen. It was only malware that had written to the registry, and now that it's fixed it will be good for a while. Also, I now know how to fix that particular problem, should it come up again.

Just stuff

So the past two days have been difficult at work. Yesterday, I met with 4 of my team to tell them that they no longer have jobs. I also met with my boss so that he could tell me the same thing. We all knew it was coming, but it was still emotionally draining. I feel horrible for my people, and have no clue what I am going to do either.

I found the cartoon here. there are a couple I laughed at as well, worth checking out. Oh, and my company only recently came out with a social networking/blog code of conduct that all employees have to follow, and all of our stuff has to be compliant by 3/31. If I don't find an internal job, my last day will be 4/3. Somehow, not terribly motivated at this point in time.

On a better note, I had an interview this morning and it went pretty well. I'll know tomorrow if I got it or not.

Frugality update: Sis sent me some cool and cheap recipes, which I will try, and share here as I go along. We all had left overs for dinner tonight, and I packed my lunch today. Didn't spend any money at all except on paying bills (which was plenty).

I've been sucked into facebook, and understand why people call it crackbook, it can be addicting! I'm trying to join more photography groups and competitions, and see if I can get my name out there more, and maybe sell some stuff.

Monday Morning, Weekend Wrap Up 3

This weekend was a whirlwind of activity! Saturday morning the boys got to meet the kids who just moved in across the street. The two youngest are the same ages and grades in school as the boys and they all had a ton of fun riding scooters and bikes, and playing in the backyard. After lunch we went to Adventure playground and they had a blast! I love this place! It's everything you wished you could do as a kid! They painted, built things, played hide & seek, played pirate, and just were being kids. I got tons of photos, some of which ended up in the Sunday Stills challenge.

We didn't get home until around 6, and I got a call at 6:15 from a friend who was on her way to Wicked, and had an extra ticket. Did I want to go, and could I meet her in 90 minutes in front of the theater? Yes and Yes! And I have to say, it was AMAZING and WONDERFUL!

I am struck by how clever and smart the storyline is and it made me want to haul out all of the Oz books from storage and give them another go! Of course, I got home after midnight, and couldn't sleep until after 1, but well worth it!

Sunday was laundry day, and shopping, and Superbowl. I didn't really care about the game, so I saw some of the commercials, some of the game, and got to visit with friends, and meet some new people. The boys got to each whatever they wanted, so they were happy and hyper!

Frugality update: I did not purchase the original cast recording of Wicked for $28 at the theater. I went home and downloaded it from iTunes for $9.99, and my friend with the extra ticket would not let me pay for it. I have some truly generous friends. I know this, and it makes me cry in gratitude. I would never have been able to justify the expense of Wicked, and hadn't even thought about it, even though I love the theater. Adventure Playground is free, and the Superbowl party was potluck, so it was a pretty inexpensive weekend, given everything that we did!

Words of encouragement

Today, I was sent the following:
Economic conditions are more affected by human beliefs and expectations than by oil prices or political concerns. This is true for you personally, as well as for everyone globally. Your personal finances are greatly influenced by your expectations and emotions, so it’s doubly important to keep your thoughts and feelings at as high a level as possible.
* Avoid any thoughts or discussions about blaming politicians, countries, or anyone else for your personal or the global economy. Placing blame upon others puts you in a victim role, energetically. This lowers your energies and causes you to attract more experiences of victimization.
* If you are around someone (including media reporters) who is making negative statements about money or the economy, silently (or aloud if the person is open-minded) say: “Cancel, Clear, Delete” or “In spiritual truth, we are all perfectly and abundantly supported. I now open my arms to receive and share plentifully.”
* Engage in activities that make you happy! Please don’t scrimp on hobbies or trips, but instead look at them as investments in your happiness, which is the most important influence in your personal economic conditions. When you are happy, you automatically attract and create new opportunities. Your happiness also lifts up the energies of those around you.
* Affirm frequently: “God is omnipresent love, wisdom, and creativity. I am forever one with God’s grace and love. I am completely supported in all ways by the love of God. I follow my Divine guidance along pathways of giving of selfless service, and receiving the support that God offers to everyone.”
* Keep your thoughts about other people’s finances at a very high level. Frequently affirm that we are all richly abundant in all ways. Avoid any pity thoughts about anyone, but do give donations and support as you are guided.
* Don’t worry about HOW your finances will be supported or resolved. Remember that God’s creativity, wisdom, and love is boundless. Your prayers will be answered in surprising, miraculous, and unexpected ways.
* Whenever you get a strong intuitive lead to do something positive, follow it without delay! Remember that God frequently answers your prayers by giving you strong and repetitive messages to take action. These messages may come to you as an emotional or physical feeling; an idea or inspiration; a vision or dream; or words that you hear. As you follow this guidance, you co-create the answer to your prayers.

Today I needed it!
I also worked "Wash and Set" into a conversation! Of course it was with my new hairdresser. This is my first cut in about 9 months, and I'll have to give it at least a day before reaching a verdict. She was a very good listener, and had some good suggestions - not just for my hair, but also for my interview hair style. I think she's pretty cool, so we'll see.
It's always a trauma for me to change people who care for me, be it doctor, dentist, massage therapist, chiropractor, you name it. Once I find someone I like and can work with, I stick with that person. It took me SEVEN years to find my last hair person, who I had for 10 years. The person before that, I had for 7 years and was my first "real" hair dresser. I've only had 2 dentists my entire life. You get the point.
We were also discussing what one thing you would have as a daily indulgence, if money were no object. Mine is a daily shampoo, thus the was & set conversation. I find it very relaxing.

Here's to new hair!

Monday Morning, Weekend Wrap Up again

Yesterday I took Ron on a date. We went to Lunch, and then a Play. The food was good, and the play was really funny. It was good because we needed some time for just the two of us. We don't get to spend a lot of time alone together, unless you count facebooking from two different rooms in the same house. We are techno geeks, to that I will admit. We were able to talk about what is going on for work and job searches, and discussed the possibilities of moving out of state. The only problem with that is I want to live in Key West where it is damned expensive with few jobs. I don't want to follow the hordes to Arizona because it isn't close enough to an ocean. For now we're staying put. We don't have the money to move at all. Ron is applying like crazy all over the place, now that he has his county EMT registration. I am also applying like crazy with nary a bite on my resume. This weekend, I did get the e-mail of someone who could help me polish up some things, so we'll see what comes of that. I've been told that my resume is golden, but why no noise? I am putting it out there to the universe to find me an ideal job, in a field I am both good at, and love.

Every time I walk through my building at work, this song runs through my head:

I was actually in the office yesterday to print out things that cannot be e-mailed, and it wasn't really that different from the weekdays. Lights were off, and there were a few people in. While I've certainly bitched about the place and it's politics and policies, I will miss it, and not just for the pay and benefits. I'll miss seeing the familiar faces that go with names I do not know, as well as all those I do know and have worked with over 12 years.

The kids are off from school today, and we're still trying to plan a snow trip. They went a bit stir crazy over the weekend because I needed some time to just stay home after the previous week's myriad of play dates. I'm looking forward to Mardi Gras, and hope to get a few good photos, and that the parade isn't cancelled like last year.

I did get rid of some more things via freecycle this weekend, and kept the spending to a minimum.

Was listening to Coast to Coast on the First, when there are predictions for the new year, and this quote struck me as just what we need to do: "A return to Yankee frugality. 'Use it up, wear it out, make it do, do without.'" So I did what anyone would and Googled it. I found this page and I think it's AWESOME!

I also found a similar reference here with the image below:



It must be time to pay attention. The economy is a disaster, and I'm looking for a job. To cheer me up, I turned to food as I always do, but this time I wasn't eating a bag of chips, or a pint of ice cream.


I hauled out my slow cooker and looked for a recipe for Roasted Corn Chowder. I love the Whole Foods version, but not the price. I found one to try here, and I bookmarked the site to go back to for more. In researching the recipes, I found some good ones on the Whole Foods site, but alas, not my favorite soups that they sell :-( and only one for the cooker, but it isn't even remotely vegetarian.


The boys went to see Bedtime Stories today while I cleaned the house. Whee for me. I can't complain, because I can only clean the house when I am totally alone, and have the music loud. I got almost everything done before the boys got back too! Tonight, we are going back to the pot luck, and invited some friends over for spaghetti - Ron is trying Aida's recipe for the sauce and it smells wonderful cooking away!


There was a time, when the economy was good, and we all had well paying jobs that we would actually go out to eat. At nice restaurants. Most of those high end places are still in business, but the middle of the road ones (in both price and quality) are long gone. Now if we do go out, it is almost always a family friendly place with the kids (Think IHOP and Hooters). I'd much rather go to a non-franchised place, but the cost of a possibly bad meal is a bit prohibitive. Maybe I can schedule a date and get a Grandmother to watch the kids.

Going insane - random ranting

So here it is a couple of weeks until Christmas, and I'm wondering how I'm going to survive the holidays, and this time the kids are off for SIXTEEN days. That's 5 more than for Thanksgiving, and I thought my head was going to explode from that. At least I'm taking off 11 of those days, and we can go running around to parks and museums. Also, my In-Laws from Colorado will be in town, and the cousins can all get together and play.

I have kind of accepted the backstabbing from my company. I don't like it, and I'm still crying, but I know what it is, and I need to move on. Found out that at least 200 more people I work with will be off the payroll (corporate speak for laid off) as of mid February. I can't imagine how people are going to survive in this economy, with few job prospects. I don't know how I am going to survive.

Got a call this week from a dear old friend who was recently diagnosed as depressed, and is now on medication. I could tell she needed it the last time we talked and she was not herself. She was bitter, and angry, and negative. It was odd because she has always been very upbeat and positive and vibrant. I'm glad she's getting help, and even more glad that she is feeling like herself these days.

This week Bettie Page died. That made me sad for no apparent reason. I didn't know her personally, but what she did in the face of such opposition opened the door to many of the people who are famous for taking off their clothes (Pam Anderson, my twin being one of those).

Here's Bettie during her heyday:

And my "twin":

I think there is something that draws me to the fringe aspect of fame, bordering on sex workers. I wrote a biography in 5th grade about Sally Stanford. I'm sure Mrs. Willis was started to get that one! I had a poster of Farrah Fawcett in my room at about the same age, and I still have my Mae West poster from college. It used to belong to an aunt. I always thought that being a madam was glamorous, but the reality of sex work is so different from the stylized way it is portrayed in literature and film. I have never been a sex worker, and I feel fortunate to have been able to find jobs that do not rely on my looks or selling my body. I don't know if I have a strong enough self image or psyche for such work. I admire those who have survived, with nothing more than interesting stories, and feel horrible for those who haven't.

I need something to make me smile

I found this:

NATALIE PORTMAN & RASHIDA JONES Speak Out Once More by Natalie Portman

It did make me smile, which is difficult today. Yesterday, I found out that I and 5 of the 9 members of my team are potentially unemployed as of 4/2/09. I fell horribly for all of us. I have been wondering what I did wrong as a supervisor. Did I not get my team enough visibility? Did I not show the value of what we do? They (the ubiquitous "they" of corporate America) do not see the point in keeping the team, or perhaps even the functions we perform. Yesterday was full of tearful conference calls, and many offers of sympathy. However, the company isn't concerned too deeply, and I have to wonder how the hell some of these folks sleep at night knowing that 2 weeks before Christmas, in this economy, they have likely placed people in harm's way.

I am sick to my stomach thinking of the people who will be out of work, and I am trying to be as positive as possible. I know negative thinking will only provide negative results, but honestly this is difficult.

Today I am updating my resume, and looking for jobs for myself and my employees. I will quote what I noted during the meetings yesterday because I honestly think the people running this circus have NO CLUE what they are doing, and how it affects not only the people working around them, but how it affects their customer base.

Directly from my notes:

blah blah blah

Restructure

blah blah blah

Strategic Sourcing

blah blah blah

Financial Commitment

blah blah blah

175 people will be affected

45% will be offered other positions

From the next meeting where I asked a question I already knew the answer to, in order to determine if anyone in leadership had the balls to tell the truth (which they did not):

blah blah blah

Cycle of Change

blah blah blah

We understand

blah blah blah

There was one nugget of information that did prove to be useful, yet painful. The decision on who were chosen to stay was based on how the supervisors rated and ranked them. Later in the day, during a tearful call, I apologized to my team and told them this fact. Everyone knew where they ranked when that was done, ad that made sense to them all, yet none were happy, including me.

Nightmare du jour

I woke up this morning at 5:00 because of a horrible nightmare.

I was at work, and got called into a meeting in a conference room, which is weird because I only ever have phone meetings. One of my peers and my boss were there - also weird because I didn't recognize either one from my present life. There, my peer told me that we were combining teams, and she was going to be the supervisor. I said, "okay, then where does that leave me?" My peer looked at my boss, who stood up and brought a piece of paper over, and said that my services were no longer needed, and she showed me the paper, while intentionally covering some part of information. I was aghast! I had trained the peer, and now she was taking my job.

I suppose this isn't really a particularly weird dream overall, given the current economy and the paranoia displayed where I work.