Monday Morning Weekend Wrap Up

No rest for the weary. No break from stress either.

Friday
Picked up kids from school, got home and had them doing homework rather quickly (this was not without the usual fights over "why?!" and "This is dumb!" and "I already did that". The last, when followed up with my desire to check said completed work is always met by, "God, you are so mean! why do you have to check everything!" and finding out that it was not yet even started. The exhausting arguing lasted all evening. The arguing also included Corky stepping in to tell The Boys when to pick their stuff up, and getting me involved for each and every infraction. I have a fundraiser coming up (that I am not the chair for, but as PFC President, there is still responsibility on my shoulders) and we are sorely needing volunteers. I am hitting up every possible angle for this, and still people are sitting on their hands. Last week the stress was ticket sales, this week it's volunteers. I'm sure next week will be something else entirely.

Saturday
The day started with arguments over homework and housework. One of The Youngest's friends came over to hang out in the afternoon (after The Youngest finished all chores and homework, even if the homework was so hastily and sloppily done that I had him send it to his teacher to proof read on Monday). Also along was my VP who was able to effectively talk me off of a cliff, AND take on additional responsibilities so that I don't have to do quite as much as I have been all year. At lease I am reassured that it is obvious to all others involved that I am doing the lion's share of the work, without the help of my co-president. Once they left it was the mad rush to finish prepping for my parents' visit and dinner. Sweeping, mopping, putting a meatloaf together and in the oven, peeling and boiling potatoes and washing and chopping Swiss chard. Dinner was nice, my mom did not criticize a single thing. My dad laughed and complimented the food (as did mom). The Oldest made the meatloaf, and Corky and I the sides. I also made icebox cake for dessert, which I hardly ever make because one of the ingredients are not readily available year round. My mom was surprised about my draconian screen time and bedtime rules, but she also has no idea what kind of trouble The Boys have gotten themselves into on screens, so I didn't get into it. We finished the evening with showers and bed because I was wiped out.

Sunday
Woke up EARLY with an upset stomach and horrible diarrhea - bleh. Woke up again a bit early, but not bad. Corky wanted to play, but I can't really have the level of intimacy I want because she is still sick, and I really absolutely must remain healthy. So I made sure she enjoyed herself, but I feel myself pulling away. I enjoy bringing her pleasure, but it isn't the same and I don't know if it is because we have not been able to be intimate in the way I enjoy, or if the constant demands of tidiness around the house puts unrealistic demands on me as a lackadaisical housekeeper, and sticks me in the middle of the arguments with the boys about their lack of tidiness. But I am just tired of everything. I am trying to de-stress on my own, but there is always some other demand on my time, attention, emotion or all of the above that leaves me feeling empty, without an oasis in sight, and no hope for reprieve.

I am irritable, and premenstrual - also does not help in any way because my luck will be to start my period in time for Corky to be perfectly healthy again, and Valentine's Day, which is our weekend away at Mardi Gras.

This afternoon we were going to take The Boys to the Pinball Museum, but they were closed for a private event. We ended up at an arcade (which was okay, but so crowded, that there was more waiting for an open game than actual play time). We took a break to look at the newsstand where The Boys begged me to buy them $40 worth of books, comics, magazines, junk food each. I offered to buy one comic book or item of food each. The youngest then proceeded to buy himself additional food and comic books... We stopped at one of my favorite shops on the way to the car and they again begged me to buy them stuff every time I turned around. They shadowed me through the store continuing their pleas, while the entire time was me saying"no" repeatedly, until I threatened to make them wait outside. Left for the car and there was more whining about what they didn't get to do or buy and how put upon they were to have to hold a magazine so that I could browse and purchase a pad of paper.

In the car finally and no one wants to go to eat the same food for dinner. The Boys are being intentionally contrary toward each other, so I drove back to my town and by then it was dinner time and they had agreed. When we got to said place, it was PACKED and there was no hope of having anything to eat within the hour. A second destination was picked and there was additional whining because it wasn't the suggestion of The Youngest. I stopped the car until a decision could be made, and by that Point I was hungry and had had it up to my eyeballs.

Got to second destination and the wait was not unreasonable. Ordered food and drinks. Food arrives and mine is cold. not lukewarm, but cold. It had been sitting on the pass through for a nice long time while our waitress sat at a booth visiting with a friend. All I wanted was a hot meal... Sent it back and the manager brought it the second time, another server brought our next round of drinks and the manager who brought the second round meal (which was actually hot) said she'd check back (never happened). The original waitress was asked for drinks (those had to come from another server we flagged down after 20 minutes of the original waitress visiting more with her friend in the booth).

By the time we left I just wanted to cry. I actually still do - typing this out isn't making me feel better, just sad and lonely and alone and like I'm not actually able to be in a relationship. I am difficult to live with when I am under extreme stress (Like now). I feel myself pulling away and not telling Corky when I am upset with her. Sometimes I don't even realize what the actual problem is, I do know that I don't always say when something bugs me.

Earlier this week I started reading a book for an LGBT book club a friend just started. Corky attended the first meeting with me and did not enjoy it. I didn't particularly enjoy it either because it was literally 4 people who already know each other discussing everything but the book we just were picking up. This isn't Corky's thing, and I get it, but I still want to read the book. It is fascinating so far, and I am enjoying it. Corky saw the book on the coffee table and when she realized which book it was and why I had it, she dismissed it as "Oh, that's the book for the stupid book club." and then went on to pooh pooh the club and the leader. I was pissed, but didn't say anything (which I should have because it has colored my entire week). I didn't want her to think she was in the wrong. Her opinion is valid, but her dismissing what I like was hurtful.

Then in bed on Saturday night, she made a remark about my stomach. I am already self conscious about being overweight, but had let my guard down with her because I thought (and still think) she loves my body. But comments like that make me wonder if she'll stick around, and I know how psychologically self destructive those comments are for me. I tend to internalize them and lash out by becoming even heavier (which is really a bad idea). From the age of 10 I have been sensitive about my weight, and the comments that have cut the deepest have come from those I love and respect the most. To have an ex who slept around on me really fucked with my head and heart, and I can feel the walls building up in my relationship and I don't know how to stop them...

Once we got home tonight, Corky needed copies of the medical records for disability, and of course my fucking printer runs out of fucking ink... I did manage to download her x-rays, so she can take the CD with her, and then I tried to fix The Oldest's glasses, took Corky's advice on it, and ended up fucking them seriously up. Finally (after hours) said "fuck it" and paper clipped them together, reinforced by duct tape. A trip to the Optometrist tomorrow after The Boys get out of school. Can't wait to see what this costs me.

This sucks. Tomorrow is Monday and I will be working - on what I have no idea.

Monday it is

Corky had a Dr. Appointment at 11:00 this morning, and wasn't even brought to a room until 12:50. The orthopaedic person she was assigned is not a great Dr. and has a horrible bedside manner. He has done literally nothing to help her back get any better, and it has in fact gotten worse under his care. This entire work accident has been a complete cluster fuck from the beginning. The fall happened because her manager left an empty pallet on the floor - the same floor she backs over while pulling a produce cart. That's just the beginning. She filed it as appropriate with her manager, but he did not file a damned thing for three months. He did nothing to alter her work (heavy lifting), during that time, and it only got worse. Once workman's comp was involved, they sent her to a Dr. a month later. That Dr. got her in physical therapy, which was working except for her not having any accommodations at work, so at best it was zero sum. Her back felt great after PT, until she went to work later the same day or the next day. After weeks of PT with no gain, she was taken off of physical labor and placed on desk work and referred to the Orthopedic guy. He told her to wait for 6 weeks and see him again. He cancelled that appointment and rescheduled for today. There is no improvement and her back is worse because of a dearth of PT during the last couple of months. Now he wants her to get an epidural, NOT see chiropractor, and come back in 6 more weeks. She is calling the original workers comp doctor to get another opinion.
And after a weekend when she was so incredibly supportive, I had no reference of how to accept the support, I am now at a point where I feel inadequate in supporting her. She is angry and frustrated, and I know why and think these are totally valid feelings in this situation. I have no idea how best to support her. In my most recent long term relationship, I left him alone because that is what he needed. I don't know what she needs and I feel like I am failing because if that and because she is too angry to voice her needs other than to have her back be healthy again...

Oh for fuck's sake

The first time I discussed porn with The Boys (both) and on line searches happened three years ago. The next time was last year with The Oldest and the sexting debacle, and today was conversation number three. This one with The Youngest about a search I found on my PC after he was supposed to be writing his state report for fifth grade... I was in and out of the house working on a cool project I will share later. When I turned up my monitor, there was a google image search of sitting women, naked and legs spread. The image up was more clinical than typical porn, and represented an uncommon vulva (for porn). The hood was larger than I usually see, and the outer labia a bit puffier than the current porn norm. So today's discussion was about it being okay to be curious, but to be careful what you search for as you could net a whole bunch of stuff that is completely inappropriate, as well as not even real life. You will then go through life with misconceptions about what people actually do in bed, and your expectations will be completely unrealistic. I think I will be having The Boys watch this video:

Oh, and I made him the same offer I'd made The Oldest - that I would be happy to get some magazines in here, but The Oldest cannot stand the smell of newsprint nor magazines - it makes him gag, so The Youngest would have these all to himself. I will take him to Barnes & Noble and let him browse. I'm not talking porn mags, but maybe Victoria's Secret.

And so puberty has hit The Youngest in full force...

Monday Morning Weekend Wrap Up

Just when you think it's a good idea to take on additional photo work because things are kind of slow, WHAM! (not the 80's duo) I had four photo shoots, two Photoshop rush jobs, and real work was a bit crazy with last minute rush requests. Also, so many school related events. Two jazz band concerts, a ribbon cutting for the new building, and a Superintendent Council meeting. Oh and teaching two point perspective to 3rd through 5th graders. Add to that, Dad is back in the hospital with a secondary infection.

Friday
Superintendent council meeting, ribbon cutting, teach art. Come home with The Boys and get them to do homework, including redo of a science and three math assignments for The Oldest, and a complete rewrite of an Explorer report for The Youngest. After several fits, tears and begging, they actually did some of the work. Had to run by my folks' to take care of their dog before looking at some Christmas lights with Corky, and then to the concert. After the concert, more lights, and home to bed. I did manage to get a gift for sis, and spending time together is always nice.

Saturday
Breakfast out for the four of us, and a visit to the hospital to see dad. The Boys completed the rest of the homework, I took a nap, and The boys vegged for a while. I worked on my photoshopping, and sent those out. Sorted through some additional pics, and began the fine detail editing of the October wedding photos. Laundry and cleaning (a bit), and pizza for dinner. Really tired for some reason. Everyone went to bed kind of early.

Sunday
Photo shoot mid-morning, photoshopping and The Youngest had a friend over in the afternoon. The rest of the laundry, and finished knitting one of Corky's Christmas presents. I still need more yard for another couple of projects. Dad will be in the hospital for at least another couple of days while they try to pinpoint how to battle the infection.

I missed spending time with Corky. She worked Saturday night and most of Sunday. I will get to spend time with her this week, and this will be the final week of school (and work) for 2013. I will be taking the same time off that The Boys have off, and I am looking very forward to having some time to spend together with The Boys and alone with Corky. Also have some health care appointments this week, so it will be busy (again)...

Thoughtful Thursday

Love and hug those around you while you can.

Today I am asking for positive vibes, prayers, good energy, a thought or a wish for my dad. He still is in the hospital. What is normally a rather routine gallbladder removal has become a difficult event for him to overcome. He has been beset by complications from the get go. His current state of health is just one of the many issues he will continue to have to overcome. I would love to have him happy and healthy and home for the holidays. Today is not that day. Today he continues to build strength, to get back on solid foods, stay awake long enough to improve his breathing, and get off antibiotics. Our family has postponed a holiday meal, and some of today will be spent bedside with my parents.

I am grateful for the time I do have with them, even when we disagree. They shaped me into the person I am, and helped me become who I am meant to be. I repay this by being the most me I can, by teaching my children to love and care. I know ultimately this will all resolve itself, and I have Corky reminding me of that as well.

Be grateful for the people who love you. I know I am.

Another update

Spent a little while yesterday visiting, he was awake, and still hallucinating a bit. They had him on clear liquids, and moved him to a regular room in the afternoon. He spent alot of time sleeping, but was peeing and breathing on his own. He took a short walk and they were working on getting his breathing capacity up, walking further and getting rid of the post surgery intestinal gas so he can eat solid foods and have a bowel movement. Waiting on a call back from mom to see what today's situation is like.

Gall Bladder update

An update:

The gallbladder was removed laparoscopically. It took longer than expected because it was full of puss, gangrenous, and  surrounded by a protective layer of fat. When detached from the liver, the inflamed liver bled like crazy and had to be patched. In recovery, he was having difficulty breathing and was delirious, thrashing (and likely shouting). They kept him in recovery extra long and sent him to ICU to keep a closer eye on him. So I spent pretty much all day (or afternoon and evening) at the hospital. I went home after they got him to ICU and Sis got there. Waiting to hear about his status today before planning when I will be there.
Side note:
Saw a Parrothead friend in the lobby, and her partner was just transferred from ICU (the same room dad went into). Thought I saw another friend from the second floor too, but missed her.

Monday Morning Weekend Wrap Up

Unexpected twists and turns this weekend, but it will all work itself out.

Friday
Corky and I spent some time talking about what The Boys should call her and went through all the usual second mom nicknames. We aren't really to that point in our relationship, so it is theoretical at the moment. M2 was Corky's favorite. Asked my lesbian godmothers, and ran it by The Boys. The Youngest suggested C2 - The first C for Corky, the second for her last name. She liked it, and I like it. The Oldest wants to call her Corky - totally cool. We spent the evening watching 9 to 5 and Lisa Lampanelli. Corky went home to sleep because I am still sick :-( Slept for about 11 hours, and felt pretty decent. 

Saturday
Got a call from Mom in the morning that Dad was in the hospital, they think it's his gall bladder, but his pain was down and blood pressure was improving and they expected to be home by 6:00 after further tests. Laundry, more laundry, and even more - I lost count at 7 loads. Hung out at Corky's and watched the latest Great Gatsby (most of it anyway). I hadn't yet seen it, and I found it cinematically gorgeous, but a bit strange seeing everything in super sharp ultra focus. Corky had to work closing, so I did my grocery shopping for the week, including the pies for Thanksgiving. napped for a bit before heading out with BFF + 2 for drinks. Got to one friend's house, and was starting drinks and appetizers when Mom called and asked me to drive them back to the hospital as Dad's pain was back up. Spent the rest of the night and early morning in ER while they decided what to do. Drove Mom home after they decided to keep him for a few days as his gall bladder is now infected. Fell into bed about 3:00.

Sunday
Slept in after fielding calls and texts from everyone about holidays, birthdays and Dad. Headed back to the hospital to visit. He was out of it, and sleeping. Mom was more rested, and Sis was there too. They are still deciding what to do about his gall bladder, but his blood pressure is now normal, and his pain is under control, which is good. Looks like they will do whatever they decide tomorrow. Stayed for a few hours and came home to get ready for the week. Laundry needed to be finished, and I needed some food. Corky and I had dinner and watched a George Carlin DVD, during which we fell asleep. Woke up, Corky went home, I finished this post and went to bed early.

On Marriage

Firstly, congratulations to citizens of New York state in obtaining the right to marry a member of your same gender. This is another in an increasing list of places that support all of us in our pursuit of happiness. My state of California is not yet there, but we are certainly still working on it. There will be backlash (Michelle Bachman), but we will continue, for we must.

So, I haven't been blogging lately. I have been reading blogs, and maintaining two hand written journals, and intermittently logging my food intake. Not out of the ordinary, and I can use those as excuses for not writing here, but the truth is that I have been wading through emotional mud in my real life. Real life is messy, sometimes extremely so.

You know that shirt you've had for ever? The one that reminds you of how far you've come. The one you don't want to get rid of. It has rips and grease stains and no amount of washing, bleaching or pre-treating is ever going to get it clean. That shirt has decided to leave you. It has decided that it no longer wants to work on fitting with you. It has also moved on to another person who overlooks the stains, and holes, and finds it charming and helpful. The decades you have stayed with that shirt, good bad and ugly decades. Decades of picking up that shirt and wearing it, even when you didn't particularly feel like it. The time a few years ago when the shirt was spending time in another drawer, with another person, and you found out via e-mail. Through the counselling and the attempt to rebuild trust which created stains, and increased the depth of the holes in both of you. That shirt can no longer be a part of your life without you accepting your place as a perpetual victim, without losing a part of your self respect.

You have decided to stand up for yourself after years of just going along with whatever plan was thrown at you. You are now an ACTIVE participant in your life. You are not passive in this and you are strong. Know that you are strong.

For the fight against hatred and fear, and the path of love and light:

I took none of the photos on here today, though the last is a photo of me and The Oldest from here.

First Day of School and random thoughts.

OK, today is the first day of school - please to enjoy:


Given that the summer started like this, it's been an entire summer of me mostly looking forward to the return of fall. Of course, this was also one of he coldest summers I can remember, and yesterday it decided to get hot - 101 to be exact. I knew this was going to be the year that Halloween is over 100, and of course The Boys will want to be something heavily clothed and furry - a Wookie maybe? In the years where it is 50 degrees on Halloween, they want to be Michael Phelps...

Two days ago, in an apparent olive branch gesture, and a complete 180 from the 2nd day of summer break, The Boys got themselves up, and made themselves breakfast, cleared their dishes, brushed their teeth and got dressed. I was so stunned at the thoughtfulness of this simple act, that I thought I'd woken up in a parallel universe.

On to the random thoughts in my brain. A blog I follow had the most famous image of the effects of Minamata disease, and not knowing what that even was I looked it up here. One of the paragraphs that struck me was:
"When the first cases were reported and subsequently suppressed, the rights of the victims were not recognised, and they were given no compensation. Instead, the afflicted were ostracised from their community due to ignorance about the disease, as people were afraid that it was contagious."

If you keep this in mind for the next generations of the Gulf Coast of he U.S. you would do well. For although we do now know the effect of petrochemicals on humans and other living things, the company responsible is denying that there will be lasting impact, and has minimized the damage all along.
 
I was also reading Esquire this morning and contemplating the 11 people who lost their lives, and the article chronicling their lives so that we do not forget the first 11 to die from this disaster.
 
All this to say that you should celebrate your family while you can and not believe people who will only make more money by lying to your face.
 
Happy Tuesday all!

Thoughtful Thursday - Two less lights in this world

Take a Moment - Right now, and send a prayer, a good vibe, or healing, helpful and loving energy. My heartfelt hopes for good health to you and everyone.

This is my list for today, so if you are reading, send a positive thought or prayer for these people - they could really use it. Updates are at the end, with gratitude for your help!

Barry - He passed away two days ago. Please send your loving energy to his family. And to see what a shining light he has been, visit his blog.
Audrey - She is on regular chemo and radiation and has had bone in her neck removed.
Jacob - a nearly 2 year old who's family is dealing as best they can with his recent diagnosis of Leigh Syndrome.
Maureen - She passed away a week ago at home. Send love and light to her boys and their families as they navigate lives devoid of the joy she brought to those around her.

Great News:
Hanan - She is getting around and doing too much because she feels so much better than her healing will allow - don't we all operate like this? Send her the energy she needs to keep up with her busy family!
May good health always be your's,

J9

Thoughtful Thursday

Take a Moment - Right now, and send a prayer, a good vibe, or healing, helpful and loving energy. My heartfelt hopes for good health to you and everyone.

This is my list for today, so if you are reading, send a positive thought or prayer for these people - they could really use it. Updates are at the end, with gratitude for your help!

Barry - He's now in Palliative care nearer to his home. My prayers are not just for him, but for his wife Linda to help her deal with navigating all of the medical stuff.
Mel - She passed away a week ago, so this request is really for her family to help them heal.
Audrey - She is on regular chemo and radiation and has had bone in her neck removed.
Jacob - a nearly 2 year old who's family is dealing as best they can with his recent diagnosis of Leigh Syndrome.
Maureen - a dear family friend and my confirmation sponsor. Her lung cancer has metastisized to her liver. She's at home and her care is being managed by Hope Hospice.

Great News:
Rick - He admitted himself for psychiatric observation, and is out. I still need to hear his voice to know he is ok, but he did send an e-mail.

May good health always be your's,

J9

Take a moment

And send a prayer, a good vibe, or healing and helpful energy. I'm thinking of changing Thursdays into thinking of you Thursdays, with my heartfelt hopes for good health.

This is my list for today, so if you are reading, send a positive thought or prayer for these people - they could really use it.
Barry - His palliative care team has taken away the pain, and now he starts another round of chemo, and will  be in the hospital for 5 days over Father's Day.
Hanan - The rod placed in her spine for strength was fine with her return home this week. Now she has an infection of unknown origin and is back in the hospital.
Audrey - Cancer is back, this time in her neck.
Abby - Solo circumnavigating the globe, this 16 year old has lost contact with her support team and sent manual emergency beacons - twice. She is 40 hours away by boat.
Jet - My godmother, who had biopsies this week on lumps found in her breasts.

May good health always be your's,

J9

It's been one of those weeks.

You know the ones - you try to smile and be cheerful, but are just slammed in the head and heart repeatedly.

I have friends who are facing serious health situations, life ending health situations.

BF - he's been battling cancer - esophageal, and now it's in his hip, ribs, spine and possibly lungs.
HH - she was breast cancer free for the past 2 years - this week she had a rod put in her spine because it has been weakened by cancer, which they found in her spine last week.
JC - a nearly 2 year old who received the news this week that his life expectancy due to Leigh Syndrome is around age 3. His family is trying to handle as best they can.
GG - went in for routine exam and is having bypass surgery today.
AZ - attended his funeral yesterday and he was 45.

All I can think is WTF. I am taking deep breaths, hugging my family extra long, and bawling my eyes out.

I did find out one piece of relieving news yesterday that the program The Boys attend is expanding to include all elementary grades. I won't have to stress about standard classrooms and environments for another 2 years - when The Oldest enters Junior High. By then, he will be ready. I'm also looking forward to teaching art to the older kids. We'll be working on 1 and 2 point perspective, negative space and life drawing. I've been wanting to do that for a while, but they are not topics for K-3rd graders. I'm sure we'll get in more ceramics, water colors, and dabble in photography.

Tableau Tuesday - Yes on Thursday

OK, I'm only a couple of days behind, with Mardi Gras last weekend, Music Monday, and a post for Barry - to keep him warm, I thought I'd try to squeeze this in today, before the week is completely gone!

Created with Admarket's flickrSLiDR.

I've scheduled this to post at the same time I will be outside ringing my bell for Barry!

Sherpa Mom

Mark of The Butler and Bagman Chronicles inspired me with his post yesterday and so I am going to relate the tales of my own Sherpa life. The Boys affectionately call me Sherpa Mom because I always end up juggling backpacks, jackets, science projects, permission slips, hats, gloves, lunch boxes, books and sharing items on our walk to and from school. Plus I usually have a cup of coffee in the morning and a bottle of water in the afternoon (just kidding, it's really a margarita ;-)).
This is my laptop case for when I drive to work. It holds lots of other suff too, like magazines, files, notebooks and all cords for connectivity, including an inverter just in case I'm stranded in my car during the 5 mile drive to the office...

This is my bike, on which I commute, loaded down with both paniers stuffed - laptop in one and clothes in the other. capping it off is my ice chest for lunch and snacks. I also take the ice chest when I drive.

No day at the office is complete without a cup of coffee, and even when I ride my bike, I have it when I get there!

My current camera back pack - behind it is my secondary bag, both of which I need to carry everywhere for those shots I keep missing. It holds Dramamine for those windy roads, Model release forms, extra battery packs, motrin, lenses, filters, cleaners, flashes and memory, sharpies and business cards. The secondary bag holds my other camera body and other lenses, etc.

Of course, I'm really coveting this bag:

And my single consession to being a mom- a purse. Of course when I'm on the bike, or out on a shoot, I just throw my wallet in another bag.

What all of this allows for is:

1 - Really strong legs from peddling all this weight around.

2 - The ability to carry 10 bags of groceries at a time, plus an 8 pack of bathroom tissue, and a 12 pack of soda.

3 - I can pack efficiently nearly anything, no matter the shape or size.

4 - Wrapping weird size/shaped presents is a snap!

5 - No matter how efficient I think I am, there is almost always something left behind, neccessitating a trip back to the house or office.

Laugh of the day and random things

Today's laugh comes from Granny on the Web.

My ass bones hurt. Why? you very well may inquire, and I will tell that it was not some wild sexcapade reminiscent of the 70's swing scene (when I was in actuality a small child, and not participating in those sorts of activities). I FINALLY got the use of a bicycle locker at work. This means I can lock up my bike in a more secure manner, eliminating the need to strip off everything of value, and it takes me far less time to dismount and get to my desk! The distance is only a bit over 4 miles each way. It took me 30 minutes this morning, sans coffee in 45 degree weather, and only 20 minutes to get home. It was warmer coming home, but I think it's mostly because I got a dismissive look from a 20 something hipster doofus, as I sat upon my commuter bike, panniers stuffed, and coffee cup holder on the handle bar. So I kept up with him the entire way - humph, there ya go sonny boy! I'll have to get a photo, as I'm sure the humor of that alone may brighten someone's day!

I've had some extremely disturbing and recurring dreams this weekend. I think it was due to Barry's recent post. My dreamscape is filled with dying, paralyzed and already dead dogs, and dogs left to die, and a huge pile of bones on the beach. I've had the dream 3 nights running, and I know I've had it in the past as well. Need to go the dream meanings website and check on it.
OK - for Dog: If the dog is dead or dying, then it indicates a loss of a good friend. Alternatively, it represents a deterioration of your instincts.
Beach: To see the beach in your dream, symbolizes the meeting between your two states of mind. The sand is symbolic of the rational and mental processes while the water signifies the irrational, unsteady, and emotional aspects of yourself. It is a place of transition between the physical/material and the spiritual.
Bones: To see bones in your dream, suggests the discovery of your personal, family, or cultural secrets. It is also symbolic of your underlying strengths that you have not yet recognized. Consider the symbolism of getting to the "bare bones" or the significance of "having a bone to pick with someone."
Paralyzed: symbolically, dreaming that you are paralyzed may mean you are feeling helpless or pinned down in some aspects or circumstances of your waking life. You may feel unable to deal with a situation or that you can't do or change anything. Alternatively, the dream suggests that you are feeling emotionally paralyzed. You are having difficulties expressing your feelings.
Well, I can probably get to what this is all about, and what it requires, which is more work on listening to myself, and paying closer attention to all that is going on around me. I know where I need to go, I know my path, and I think I've wandered a bit too far into the woods - time to get back on track!

Overheard the boys using the word "tussle", as in "Are you trying to tussle with me?" No doubt a modified version of "Are you talkin' to me?"

Today The Oldest is wearing his banana costume and a Santa Hat, declaring himself Banana Clause.

Done with the majority of decorations inside - still need to do my santa hats all around, and the outdoor decor will get up when The Dude gets around to it (maybe next week). Invitations are out for The Oldest's 9th parties (yes, you read that right). One for family, and one for school friends, which I will post about at some other time.

Having last week off of work completely rocked, but having to go back today? Not. So. Much. Though riding in made me feel like I was doing something good for myself, and provided a nice mental break. The boys feel the same way, as all 3 of them were doing homework after school today and acting less than delighted by the task. I think we need a more Zen like attitude, or is that Pennsylvania Dutch? ( I get my "doing simple things simply and using the task and time for meditation/prayer" stuff mixed up.)

Oh, and I have a splitting headache because The Boys have been listening to this Looney Tunes animated musical ornaments thing that I've had FOREVER. Think this:

but with each character having been split apart with the added ability to hang on the tree. It cycles through 21 holiday classics, and makes my head hurt. We listened all Sunday while decorating the tree, and for 2 hours after school today.

Oh, and I'm totally loving this show. It's the message that I love, not necessarily the people they run into, though that is entertaining as it's own commentary on society.

Monday Evening Weekend Wrap Up

OOOOkaaaayyyyyy
The weekend is over, and I'm pooped!
Friday, The Boys had a field trip to the pumpkin patch/corn maze where it was over 80 degrees after having rained early in the week, making for a humid maze, where my hair frizzed and I sweated while following a group of 3 boys, only one of whom was mine. We then went to the pumpkin patch part of the day where they found a corn pit, which is basically a GIANT sand box with dried corn instead of sand. A bit easier to get out of hair/clothes/shoes. Following the field trip, we went home, and I loaded the moon, clouds, trees and fortune teller booth and headed to the school to set up for Halloween Fun Night (HFN). I was doing that until 10 that night, came home and went to bed.
Saturday I was back at the school at 10am to continue setting up. I had to leave at 1:30 for The Youngest's soccer game. I got back home at 4:30, changed into costume and went back to work HFN selling tickets at the door. MDH and The Boys came over to HFN at about 5:30, and my folks were there with one of my nephews. The cafeteria looked great, the Haunted House was a HUGE success, and the dinner was yummy! The raffle baskets were as popular as ever, and the cake walk was epic! I also stayed to clean up until about 10pm. When I got home, I found out that the neighbor and friend of The Youngest was having a Birthday Party the next day...
Sunday The Boys and I went to continue the HFN cleanup from 10:00 to 2:00. After that, I dropped them at the house and ran for the Birthday present, where I also picked up 3 other presents for upcomming parties. I was revelling in the quiet solitude of a kid free experience for that amount of time! Because of all the activity, I had to cram all of the laundry into Sunday night - bleh. The boys were wiped out, I'm still pretty tired, and we all have a full week ahead, 2 more birthday parties this weekend, a Halloween party at school, trick - or - treating, pumpkin carving - you get the idea!

Happy October First

This is the first day of Breast Cancer Awareness Month. This is hysterically funny and cute:

THE BOOBY SCARE Featuring Alyson Hannigan, Emily Deschanel, Kat McPhee, Minka Kelly and Jaime King - watch more funny videos

Check yourself, check a loved one, or a buddy - but PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE CHECK!

Sunday Evening Weekend Wrap Up

Friday was pretty much the last of the field trip shirts, just a few stragglers left. After school, one of The Youngest's friends came over to play for a few hours and they had fun with all of the toy weapons and legos. I think the oldest is over the newness of the braces and we broke out the wax this morning. He's still convinced he can only eat liquids, despite enjoying a brownie and banana bread at school :-) The boys watched Meet The Robinsons on the big TV for a treat, and the temps finally got below 95 after the sun went down! The neighbor came over and was at the house until nearly 9:00, when MDH came home from soccer.
Saturday, freecycle brought a youth guitar to the house, and we had one of The Boys' friend's Birthday Party. At NOON. in 109 degree heat. Dry heat. At least it was at a park that has a water play area, and they all cooled off. Of course the heat, and the seeming lack of food got The Oldest in a "poor me" frame of mind, and he had 3 meltdowns. At nearly 9 years of age. I think it had more to do with the heat and Friday night's late night than anything else. We came home and had a nice quiet 30 minutes, before the neighbor came over. The Youngest and he had a skirmish that involved spitting, so I sent him home. The Oldest broke out the hose for cooling off out back. MDH came home from a study session at the library and took a nap. When he got up, he ran a few errands for me, and I sat down to play a little Bejeweled. Soon I was hearing an unusual rustling on the shelves behind me, but in the darkened room, I couldn't really see what it was. That is until it fluttered around a bit. Evidently my fur butt cat brought a Blue Jay into the house while we were gone, and it sat on the top shelf through the kids playing, and only when alone with me decided to make itself known. I opened the window and shut the door, but it kept running into the not opened part of the window, so I had to throw a towel over it, and get it out the window myself. The Boys wanted to know if it was dead, because when I did release it, it just lay there. I waved the towel at it, and it flew away. We had a mish mash dinner - cereal for The Youngest, blended spaghetti for The Oldest, leftover pork roast for My Dear Husband, and I had a few croutons - it was still 98 at 8:00 at night, and I was boiling noodles...
Sunday was laundry day, and The Oldest mopped the front room and the kitchen (nice)! I cleaned out the bottom shelf of The Boys' closet, as well as my half of our closet. Got together a couple bags of clothes - some that The Youngest has outgrown, and some that are TOO BIG for me now!!!!!! Although I did have a pity party moment when I realized that My Sis' fat clothes are my goal... We can't all be stick thin, but we can at least all be healthy! We had another kid friend's birthday party at Build-a-Bear Workshop, which was VERY generous of the hosting family. Each Boy got a stuffed animal (Bunny and Grey Wolf), and accessories (A Dracula Costume, Camo Outfit, Camo Tent, Baby Grey Wolf, Rain Boots, Sunglasses, and Roller Skates). Toward the end of BABW, The Youngest pulled me aside to tell me that he loves me and thanked me for all that I do for him. It was such a sweet and tender moment that I almost started crying! Then it was off to Boudin Bakery for pizza and cake and I had a delicious salad! I took the long way home to give The Boys a chance for a short nap. It was while driving, that I had a flashback to out accident last summer. It happens, not frequently, but just the weight of responsibility, and the fact that we all made it out is a miracle, and I am grateful for that, even when circumstances seem difficult, or obstacles seem insurmountable, I am grateful that I live each day. I know we are being watched over, that I lead a charmed life, and for that I am also grateful. Once home, it was mere moments before the neighbors were over and they were all playing until dinner. Dinner was chicken, asparagus and summer squash, and The Oldest even managed 3 pieces of chicken that were no bigger than an eighth of an inch, cubed. He has a mouth full of sores, so I broke out the oragel, and I think he'll be better off in the morning (at least that's my hope).