This was my day yesterday - officially day 2 of summer break for The Boys. The day started OK - my work day looked like this:
The Dude took them to swim practice, as I'd unsuccessfully tried to obtain wifi at the pool the day before.
Once home from swimming, they were all worn out and The Dude napped while I was on conference calls, and that is when the shenanigans took place. Following my calls, I emerged into the house to a weird smell. great. But it was a chemical smell, not a gross smell, so I thought it might actually be cologne, or something equally harmless. I entered the living room to 2 "cat that ate the canary" looks.
The following exchange took place:
I asked, "What's that smell?" The Oldest replied with a shrug, the youngest just ignored the question.
J9 (more emphatically and likely sounding more angry): Really, What's that smell?
The Oldest - another shrug
The Youngest - still silently ignoring the request
J9 (Now pissed off and moving to turn off the TV): WHAT. IS. THAT. SMELL?!?!
The Oldest: What smell?
The Youngest: I don't smell anything.
J9 (gesturing to the air): This smell, the smell that is NOT what our house normally smells like - THAT smell!
The Oldest (removing a can of hairspray from behind him): Well, I accidentally sat on this.
J9: Accidentally? You expect me to believe that you ACCIDENTALLY sat in the recliner, on a can of HAIRSPRAY that was no where near the recliner earlier?! Really?
[I must state that at this point what flashed though my brain was, "Oh dear God, he's going to be one of those people that show up on RN reports as having "accidentally" sat on a vibrator or something.]
The Oldest - shrugged again.
J9: Just so you know, this is hair spray, not air freshener. When you spray it all over the house, it makes everything sticky, thereby creating more cleaning work in the house. Also, it's poisonous for people and animals. To. Your. Room.
At this point The Youngest decides to chime in. I cut him off and went back to work.
Minutes Later, The Dude (from the bedroom): What's on Augie's fur? - Augie is the Mini Daschund puppy.
Upon emerging from the office again and seeing Augie walk by, I scooped him up and carried him to the living room, calling for The Oldest to join us.
J9 (to The Boys): What is on Augie's fur?
The Oldest: I dunno
The Youngest - again ignoring the question.
J9: I Asked, WHAT is on Augie's fur?
The Oldest: Where?
Mind you, this is a dog that is less than 18 inches long, so there isn't much examination needed...
J9 (presenting the dog to The Oldest): Here. On His Back. See? From his collar, to halfway down his back.
The Oldest (likely thinking it better to come clean at this point as I'm sure my face was red): Deodorant.
J9: DEODORANT?!?!?! WHY ON EARTH WOULD YOU PUT DEODORANT ON THE DOG?!
The Youngest: Well, he did it. (Likely story)
J9: SERIOUSLY! Deodorant is poisonous to a small dog like Augie, if he licked his back he will get sick. Deodorant is for people, NOT DOGS!
At this point, The Dude comes out and asks where they got deodorant. I interrupted to say I'd bought some at the store, and hadn't had a chance to put it away yet. I'm sure he was thinking none of this would have happened if only I'd put it away. Not true, but worth thinking about.
I sent The Oldest back to his room, where he wailed like we were beating him. Decent performance, but not Oscar worthy.
I got out towels and washed, partially dried the dog and handed him over to The Dude. The whole time, I was thinking, doesn't this burn animal's skins? Isn't that what the PETA ads are about? Crap! I hope Augie will be okay.
I put away the deodorant.
I found a coffee mug on an end table, and called The Oldest out to ask him about it.
J9: What's in this mug?
The Oldest: Butter for my popcorn.
J9: Put it in the sink please.
After all of this, I got The Boys into their Tae Kwon Do uniforms and drove them to the studio. While they were in class, I walked nearly 3 miles, in an attempt to release some of the stress. It was mostly successful.
When we got home, I made breakfast for dinner - eggs, bacon and toast for The Boys, and toast and celery with Yogurt Blue Cheese for me. The Dude declined dinner.
As I was doing dishes later, I came across the mug of "butter" from earlier, and it didn't look like butter, so I called The Oldest back over.
J9: What is really in the mug?
The Oldest: Deodorant and butter.
J9: I hope you didn't eat the deodorant.
The Oldest: No
J9: Why did you choose to waste the deodorant like this?
The Oldest (with a shrug): I dunno.
At this point I could really only sigh, and ask that they not play with any personal hygiene items, or medications, or chemicals of any kind.
I also need to talk to The Dude about leaving The Boys to their own devices.
Today was better, and easier, and I was able to get decent wifi. And we didn't leave The Boys alone for a moment.
It's likely going to be a Loooooooooong summer.