Tuesday, April 30, 2013

Tableau Tuesday

Some random images from this week - all shot on my phone.

Created with Admarket's flickrSLiDR.

Happy Tuesday all!

Monday, April 29, 2013

Monday Morning Music and Weekend Wrap Up

So I know I haven't posted in a week. Shameful. I let Wicked Wednesday and Thoughtful Thursday slide on by. I will say that I was busy last week. On Tuesday, I joined a new meetup group for beach volleyball, which necessitated a two day recovery after about 15 years of not playing the sport. On Wednesday, I drove on a field trip for The Youngest, and had 4 different places to be between school letting out and bedtime  Was trying to figure out if people I thought had made passes at me previously really are interested, or if it was my wishful thinking. Probably wishful thinking, and know I need to move onto people who might actually date me. Thursday was swim practice and homework with The Boys, and Friday was me driving on another field trip.

Friday's field trip was to the zoo, and for the older kids, that involved answering a six page scavenger hunt about the animals there. We were reading all of the plaques and didn't even get to a section of the zoo during our time there. Friday morning, on the way to school, saw the daughter of a friend, and a couple of other kids in a not so safe place, with one of their bikes upside down. I had to do two u-turns to get back to them, but one of the bikes lost it's chain, and I put it back on - which was kind of a pain because there is a chain guard, and it is a beach comber with back pedal braking. Ended up with greasy fingers, and The Youngest being late to school. He complained all the rest of the way to school, but I told him that it didn't matter, because if you see a friend needs help, you stop and help. Got to school to find two of the kids needing to complete multiple chapters of math in order to be able to go, so I corrected their work as they were doing it, and we departed the school 45 minutes late for the field trip, which caused additional bitching by The Youngest, but much appreciation from the two impacted kids. You know what? I felt AWESOME - like a fucking superhero! Friday night, I went to a middle school fundraiser, and I need to remember not to go to the bookstore alone during a fundraiser. Bought a journal, and the Sleeping Beauty Trilogy, and another book that looked interesting.

Saturday - got up early and went to Treasure Island for their monthly flea market with a friend and one of her friends. There was a ton of vintage stuff and just wandering around all day, eating from food trucks, and bought a couple of things. Met a bunch of really cool folks and saw lots of things I wanted, but not really needed. Was creatively inspired by so much that I felt overwhelmed at one point. Also did NOT find the scavenger hunt item... My one take away from the day was "Mail Order Moss". Came home and napped, because I was exhausted. Picked up The Youngest in the evening for Sunday's activities. Took him to froyo, and we just chilled out on the couch until bed.

Sunday - Got up early for a day off and took The Youngest to a fencing tournament - also on Treasure Island. He liked it well enough, but was a bit bored because he wasn't competing, nor was anyone he knew. He did convince me to buy him a glove, which he is pretty stoked about. I have to look up the scoring for fencing, as it's been too long since I fenced, and it was for such a short amount of time, that it is no longer anywhere in my accessible memory. We went to lunch on the way home, and I dropped him back at The Dude's. Took the dogs for a walk when I returned, and it was pretty warm (90 degrees), so I let them walk in the creek, and I crossed it, managing to stay on my feet, despite having to cross on moss covered rocks. They had baths when we returned, and I finished laundry. A good tired for all of this, and feel accomplished even though my house is still a disaster, the kitchen table crowded with recent mail, homework and book acquisitions.

Oh, and some music to start off your week:

Tuesday, April 23, 2013

Tableau Tuesday

Some pics from the last two weeks:

Created with Admarket's flickrSLiDR.

Happy Tuesday all!

Monday, April 22, 2013

Music Monday Morning Weekend Wrap Up

For the last week, The Boys have been requesting the following:

The first time I played it for them, at their request, about half way through, The Oldest says, "Mom, you know there is a clean version of this." I replied, "Yeah, this isn't it."

On to the recap weekend:
Friday - Plans were to go to the newly opened Exploratorium on Sunday, but in order to actually be able to do that, The Boys had to complete any homework due Monday. There was much wrenching of hands and knashing of teeth, but homework was indeed completed.

Saturday - The Elementary School carnival was all day. We went a little early and all three of us volunteered, got a tiny bit sunburnt, and had fun. Pictures tomorrow. After arriving home, I took a nap, and felt even worse after waking up. Likely had a bit of heat exhaustion. Drank a ton of water, and went to pizza and yogurt with a couple of friends. We all laughed a ton and it was exactly what I needed.

Sunday - After such a long day on Saturday, we slept in. No one wanted to get out of pajamas, or shower, or really do anything. The Oldest was distraught when he figured out that we weren't going anywhere at noon. Instead, I did laundry, The boys vacuumed and weeded and straightened up. I went grocery shopping and bought stuff for the yard. My mini garden will start this week with tomatoes, basil and strawberries. Also bought an arbor to get the climbing roses off the path in back. Plus soil, and tomato cages. Going to try right side up this time, after years of upside down tomato plants. Went to my folks' for dinner, stopped at Sis' afterward, and we're finally home and in bed and ready for the week ahead.

And we are going to go into the week with what initially drew me to Macklemore and Ryan Lewis:

Have a good week all!

Thursday, April 18, 2013

Thoughtful Thursday

Hug and love those around you while you can

I was ready to post Tableau Tuesday and Wicked Wednesday, but I cannot let this week pass without thoughts for us all. All of us. The ENTIRE Human Race. Plus all of the other inhabitants of this universe. Man's inhumanity to man never ceases to stun me. Our capacity for kindess and love and caring outweighs all of the evil acts in the world. We know better, and most of us actually do better. I grieve for Boston, and West, and I am headshakingly surprised by ricin senders. What is it with the dates between 4/15 and 4/20? There is some weird shift every year that causes people to go off the rails. MANY people die every day, MANY by the hand of others, and sometimes that "other" is us. By our actions, our words, our intentions, or our silence, or lack of action.

I do not care where you are, who you are, or what you believe. I want you to do something to help others. ANYTHING. A small thing, like smiling at an elderly person, holding a door open for another, or sending good thoughts to the victims of recent tragedies. All positivity starts with you, and me and within us all.

Please have a happy and safe week.

Monday, April 15, 2013

Monday Morning Weekend Wrap Up

The weekend started in an AWESOME way. I signed papers at the lawyer to move the divorce along. I received good news at a school district meeting, I took the art class outdoors in spectacular weather. I met with my CPA to sign off and send past taxes - which were likely going to result in not owing any $$$$, and was feeling absolutely positive about life.

Then I called the IRS. I only called to obtain the appropriate addresses for all of these past tax years.

The woman was VERY pleasant and helpful. The thing that sent me into my bottle of Tangueray Rangpur was what she told me:

Content removed intentionally

So, Friday night I ended up pouring myself a nice tall Gin & Tonic. It was really good, it went down really easily, and it helped me feel way more chill. I called The Boys to say good night at bedtime  and The Dude did not pick up his phone. He did text 45 minutes later, and when I replied, I asked if The Boys were in bed. Did not hear from him or them.

Saturday, I received a return text at 8AM. When I was dead asleep. On a Saturday morning. When all I wanted to do was sleep in. The Dude said he just saw my text from the previous night. Asked if I wanted to have The Boys call me. I did not want to even have my eyes open at that time of day, so I ignored the text and tried to go back to sleep. Unsuccessful at the attempt, I got up, took care of the dogs, cleaned my bathroom, started laundry and coffee, read the news, and took a shower. I knew I had to get to the post office today, so getting dressed took a higher priority than any other Saturday morning. The Boys called at 10:45 when I was getting dressed. We talked for a bit. The Youngest had a wipe out on his bike. The Oldest had completed math homework. I was actually doing ok, and still wrapping my head around what the conversation about those past tax years would look like.

Then I went to the post office. First I had to buy envelopes and ink cartridges, but ultimately, I was headed to the USPS.

This happened while I was there. If you are not on twitter, read from the bottom up - Too lazy to rearrange for you:
All I kept thinking while in line was, "Why is this person not standing at least 2 feet back. Seriously? If anything hits the back of my neck I am going to snap and slap her. Hard." I could literally feel her on my back. Her mouth breathing was making the hair on the back of my neck move. Then I finally get out to my car, pull onto the street, and at the very next light, I get a lungful of cigarette smoke. I was so beyond hating all humanity at that point - angry and bitter.

I took a break to clear my head after grocery shopping, spent some time doing laundry and on line. I then shot the daughter of a friend leaving for prom. Some of those will be in Tableau Tuesday tomorrow. Went to BFF's house and had a margarita before heading home.

Sunday was pretty mellow. Stuff around the house including full water change of the aquarium after the first 5 fish didn't make it an entire month. Also baked potatoes, sweet potatoes and roasted beets for the week. Considered planting a couple of tomato plants, straightening out the climbing roses, strawberries and basil. The garden shop was having a huge sale, but ended up napping and talking to a dear friend instead. Her birthday is today and I hope she feels loved and taken care of!

Also realized that my annoyance at humanity was related to frustrations this week, coupled with a pause in gratitude journaling. So I sat down in the evening and just did a complete anger journaling brain dump, followed by gratitude and affirmations.

Also discovered Aunt Barbara this weekend, and if you know anything about my penchant for drag, you will understand why I am completely smitten:
Your Aunt Barbara

Thursday, April 11, 2013

Thoughtful Thursday

Hug and love those around you while you can

Today I am thinking of D and her ongoing battle against cancer. Please send any positive vibes you can. She is in Indy today to start another drug trial. Hopefully this will be the one that works long enough to kill the cancer, but keep her alive.

Wednesday, April 10, 2013

Wicked Wednesday #9

Continuing with these posts.Wicked Wednesdays all began with this post. I'll regale you with another night of drinking that went horribly, horribly wrong. If you are under the age of consent for wherever you live in the universe, take these as cautionary tales. If you are like me and have had your share of poor judgement moments, then we can laugh together. Yes that is a picture of me with a lampshade on my head, doing the shimmy. I will not be posting the names of my cohorts in these wanton ways, but for clarification, will identify them by an initial of their names.
For a few years now, I have been hosting what I call Happy Hour Play dates. Basically, it is Friday after school, my kids' friends and their moms. The kids play and the moms drink. We usually rotate houses, and we don't usually drink to the point of puking (thankfully). This particular party coincided with Halloween a few years ago, and was hosted by one of the other moms. We gathered, drank, and then walked the kids around trick-or-treating. One of my friends was bickering with her partner, and complaining about a lack of sex. I had had just enough to drink to offer my services, and the services of my collection of sex toys. My friend was not amused, just even more angry. I seriously think she has not yet forgiven me for what she likely perceived as a pity fuck offer...

Tuesday, April 9, 2013

Tableau Tuesday 4/9/2013

Well, it seems that I am getting back into writing these days. I feel better being able to devote time to getting stuff out of my head and into print, be it journals or here, or one of my other places.
Without further ado, a Tableau Tuesday from Disney Trip:

Created with Admarket's flickrSLiDR.

Have a happy week everyone!

Monday, April 8, 2013

Monday Morning Spring Break Wrap Up

This wraps a Spring Break marked by a vacation. the first of 5 that will be the same destination at the same time of year. The Oldest had his first band trip to Disneyland. The band marched on Main Street, and it really brought back some great memories. Made me realize just how old he is getting.

Took The Youngest with me, and was able to spend time just the two of us, which was really nice. Also ate a TON of really rich food, but walked all day long for days on end. Looking forward to the next 4! Realized this last week that on the final trip with the band, I will be able to take my family to Club 33 to celebrate my 20 year anniversary with the company. That makes me happy too!

Saturday, April 6, 2013

Brain fluff

At this point I seem to only think about posting once a month. I should get back to it as this blog helps me voice some of the crap floating around in my head.

Current dilemma - I see myself as one way, which seems to be refuted by MANY people in my life. I have been taken aback by people's differing views for a few weeks now. Interesting, and I think a bit unsettling. But, I also think I know where this is coming from (both my need to voice my labels, and the disagreements).

I have recently begun hanging out with a new group of people - single lesbians. To those for whom this may be news - I am bi. Not having any lesbian friends and REALLY poor female gaydar makes for a lonely existence when desiring a woman. This is making me feel far less alone in the world, which I need. No dating prospects at this time, but I'm not turning away from the group either. Have found people who are genuine and cool and want to spend more time with them.

So, I see myself as butch-ish (grown up tomboy), and no one else irl sees that. But I think it is a subtlety of language that is the hang up. I am a strong woman (for sure); not manly, but certainly more than capable of taking care of myself and my family (which I ascribe more to male energy). I am also a nurturer by nature, and most have responded that I am more earth mother in their eyes. What I think when I hear that is a zaftig woman in flowing tie-dyed robes, dancing in a drum circle, under the full moon. And really, that image probably isn't as far off as I think it is.

What I really want is no label. I just want to be me. I want someone in my bed. Not entirely sure if I want a partner. Don't think it's entirely fair to ask someone to make me the first priority, when I absolutely will not do the same. I have smallish kids who are my focus, and I cannot sacrifice their future for anything, let alone bringing any more crazy people into their lives. And so, do I live a monastic life until The Boys move out? Do I take a lover or a series of lovers to satisfy my physical needs, while maintaining my emotional distance, and relying upon friends to fill my emotional intimacy needs? Not entirely healthy (perhaps).

Do I even need to state a goal other than meeting new people and having a social life? Are my desires born from the "Anything that isn't what I had for the past 20+ years"? What could be further from that than a femme woman? And is that what I even want? I need more empirical data. So I need to date, and kiss, and fuck.

What I do not need is psychologically crippled people. I do not need to rescue anyone, or have anyone rescue me. I want a person in my life, just no clue what that looks like right now, or ever. Always been bad at one night stands, and don't consider myself a player, but may have to adopt a bit of that to just get out and start seeing where things lead.

There is more in my brain on this, but for now I need to just mull these things over.