Love Dare Day 17

Today's Dare:

Determine to guard your mate’s secrets (unless they are dangerous to them or to you) and to pray for them. Talk with your spouse, and resolve to demonstrate love in spite of these issues. Really listen to them when they share personal thoughts and struggles with you. Make them feel safe.

Really? In SPITE of the secrets your spouse may have? DEMONSTRATE LOVE IN SPITE OF... I am having a difficult time believing that resolving to love someone despite their secrets is a good way to hold onto a relationship. I think you love someone because of their secrets, and their imperfections, because they are a part of the person you love unconditionally. You don't go into a relationship planning to love someone only until you see their darker side. Also, when would you make your chosen life partner not feel safe in sharing ANYTHING at all with you?

Is it just The Dude and me? We don't have secrets from one another. We share everything. The good, bad and ugly of our thoughts and desires. Sometimes we just want the other to listen, and sometimes we need to talk something out, or look for alternatives. We always feel free to share anything, and at least from my standpoint, do not ever use that information later for anything at all. I also know that The Dude does not keep secrets well, and I did have issues with our lives, struggles, etc. being fodder for public discussions with our friends. I don't have those issues anymore, because I found that the more you share your life with a person or people, the more you realize that we all help each other. We all share in the struggles and the joy, and that's what truly makes a community of people.

I'm still going to go through all 40 days, but it is seeming more and more that this is geared toward people struggling in their relationships.

Love Dare Day 15

Today's Dare:

Choose a way to show honor and respect to your spouse that is above your normal routine. It may be holding the door for her. It might be putting his clothes away for him. It may be the way you listen and speak in your communication. Show your mate that he or she is highly esteemed in your eyes.

OK, I can do this one, but above and beyond may involve bowing down, and kissing his ring at this point!

Seriously though, I feel like I show him respect, and ask that The Boys also show him respect. I did my level best to pay attention to the time we spend together, and to not be dismissive of The Dude, or his ideas and opinions. Today he was in a bitchyish mood, so that put a damper on the rest of us. I hope he gets a good night's sleep tonight - it will all look better tomorrow!

We had the Science fun fair for all Elementary schools in 2 districts. It took up three buildings at the county fairgrounds, and it was fun to see all the different projects. My only regret is that we weren't able to spend more time wandering around. But we went immediately following Tae Kwon Do, and hadn't yet had dinner, so we beat a hasty retreat, and hit Casper's on the way home.

Love Dare Day 14

Today's Dare:

Purposefully neglect an activity you would normally do so you can spend quality time with your spouse. Do something he or she would love to do or a project they’d really like to work on. Just be together.

Well, this weekend was really poor timing for this day of dare. But I will get to that. In another post. Today is Sunday March 15th - the Ides of March.

Instead of blogging or facebooking, I spent time with The Dude. He didn't notice, as he was playing WoW, and facebooking, but I did sit in the family room with him. The activity I chose to ignore was the laundry - I know, Poor me! Well, and all the other things I normally do after the boys go to bed - dishes, blogging, cleaning up the house, getting things ready for the next day. I also made tea and sliced some Amish friendship bread for the two of us.

Love Dare Day 13

Today's Dare:

Talk with your spouse about establishing healthy rules of engagement. If your mate is not ready for this, then write out your own personal rules to “fight” by. Resolve to abide by them when the next disagreement occurs.If a house is divided against itself, that house will not be able to stand.

OK, there is something that has recently surfaced about this dare. It seems to be driven by the desire to keep a failing relationship together. I'm all for trying that, but my relationship, while not always on a smooth path, is certainly nowhere near this dire. I've been skimming the official blog, and these folks are at the end of their relationships, so I can see where some of this would help. Me and The Dude? We're fine. Seriously, we piss each other off sometimes, but we rarely fight. We disagree about lots of things, but we always respect each other's opinions, and most of the time find a compromise we can both live with. But really, we agree on alot more than we disagree. And even during the rocky parts, we only ever really fought about once a year. That was before I learned to just say what was bothering me in the moment, and get over it. I used to bottle it all up, harboring resentments for months, then about once a year, it would all crash and come pouring out of me! That wasn't a particularly healthy way to be and I'm over it now.

Today is Friday the 13th, and it seems like the number 13 is rather lucky for me (unlike the Knights Templar). The Dude and I were married on the 13th, and had 13 people in the wedding party. And today? Today I had THREE job offers in my e-mail when I logged on! I have accepted one of those offers after grilling everyone I knew who also knew the managers I would be working for. I've picked what I think is by far the best fit for my skills, knowledge, desires, and management style. I am looking forward to being happy and excited about what I do again! I am looking forward to the weekend, even with all of the things we'll be doing because I won't also be worried about work - what a relief!

Of course the best laid plans... On Tuesday, my folks were over for dinner and mentioned that they thought they had a virus on the computer, and could I come over sometime and look at it. I guess today was the time limit on that, as I got a call from them while also working with 3 kids on a science project due Monday, and visiting with my father-in-law, whom I call The Geez. The Geez lives in AZ, and is here for a short visit. It was nice to see him, but I didn't really get to visit. So I agreed to go look at a computer after dinner. I went instead of dinner because since I made that plan, the boys and The Dude were invited to pizza with The Dude's step brothers. I was at my folks for THREE hours fixing the problem. I was successful, but now I'm really very tired. Not because staring at a computer is tiring (even though it is), but because my folks want to know HOW this could have possibly happened, and WHO might have done this, and do I think maybe it was (name your choice of ridiculous person/organization here). That and they also second guess everything that I am doing on the computer, as well as wanting me to slow down so that they can read EVERYTHING that comes up on the screen. It was only malware that had written to the registry, and now that it's fixed it will be good for a while. Also, I now know how to fix that particular problem, should it come up again.

Love Dare Day 12

Today's Dare:

Demonstrate love by willingly choosing to give in to an area of disagreement between you and your spouse. Tell them you are putting their preference first.

Well, I do this most of the time anyway, except for the big things, so let's see if I can come up with something. OK, we did not disagree today on one thing. Not one. There is only one thing in our marriage that we routinely disagree about - money. I really can't put us on the street, or not feed the boys by acquiescing to The Dude's desire for toys (a car comes to mind first). But I think I can count my giving into The Dude when he said it bothered him that I allow the oldest to watch Ru Paul's Drag Race. Personally, I see no issue with Drag Queens, but given the oldest's level of inherent flamboyance, he could be in for more taunting were he to bust out some of the runway moves these ladies are doing. Besides, I'm not sure 2nd grade is the right time to have that particular talk. I don't want him to have to censor himself, or even be aware that there are people on this planet that would not like you because of who you are. I think that I just don't want to break his young heart with that news.

Love Dare Day 11

Today's Dare:

What need does your spouse have that you could meet today? Can you run an errand? Give a back rub or foot massage? Is there housework you could help with? Choose a gesture that says, “I cherish you” and do it with a smile.

The Dude has been grumbling about the state of the back yard, so today after school, I had the boys go through all the toys out there and sort by which really needed to come in, which were to remain outside, and which were to be thrown away. We now have a trashcan full of broken and rusted toys, a straightened up outdoor toy bin, and a much cleaner yard. My next task will be to finish cleaning the patio, and giving it a good scrub so that it is ready for the BBQ season. I love our yard, and like to be out there if it isn't disgusting. After the winter it just needs to be cleaned. I may even tackle this today while it is still sunny and nice out, but right now, I'm still in my work clothes.

Well the boys had other ideas. Our new neighbor kids came over and played for about an hour while I cooked dinner, recipe to follow. By the time The Dude was home and our neighbors back to their home it was an hour past our normal dinner time and the kids were cranky hungry. Despite the initial grumbling about the dinner, the boys really liked it and it totally hit the spot for me as I could not get warm over these past two days!

The Dude appreciated the cleaning of the yard, and the fact that I cooked AND cleaned up the dishes. We usually split those for I cook and he usually does dishes.

J9's Lazy Ass Black Beans and Rice:

2 cups rice (white or brown, your choice)

2 cans Black Beans (you could use red if you prefer)

1 16 oz pkg frozen southwestern style corn

Garlic

Onion

Cumin

Chili Powder

Start the rice, either in your rice steamer, or in a pot on the stove.

In another pot, over low heat, mix the beans, frozen corn, garlic, onion, cumin and chili powder to taste. For me tonight, it was about a teaspoon each of garlic salt, dried minced onion, cumin and chili powder. Leave both pots alone and covered. When the rice is done, dish out the rice, and the bean/corn mix over the top. If you prefer spicier, you could add hot sauce. I've also added green olives and capers for a bit more saltiness, or a squirt of lemon to finish is good as well.

Tonight I also thought of an even lazier version that includes steam in microwave rice, and a packet of taco or fajita seasoning in place of the seasonings above.

Love Dare Day 10 - update

Today's Dare:

Do something out of the ordinary today for your spouse—something that proves (to you and to them) that your love is based on your choice and nothing else. Wash her car. Clean the kitchen. Buy his favorite dessert. Fold the laundry. Demonstrate love to them for the sheer joy of being their partner in marriage.

So today (day 2 of the 6th Birthday celebration for my youngest), I cleaned the house, mopped the floors, put the leaf in the table, did the dishes, and put them away, set up the coffee pot for tomorrow morning, folded all of the laundry, and hosted a party for the Birthday Boy with 4 of his 6 grandparents. We had Casper's Hot Dogs, and a Chocolate cake. This was all accomplished while working all day, taking the kids to and from school, having a couple more kids over for a play date, and Tae Kwon Do classes for each kid.

Oh, I also shot some photos for the challenges coming up this weekend.

The Dude took out the exhaust fan from our bathroom, bought a new one, went to lunch with some friends, bought a cake and came home and took a nap.

I usually do not fold The Dude's clothes as he does not like the way I fold t-shirts. Today I folded the mound of clean clothes that were his And that mound was at least 5 feet tall. That was on top of the normal folding and putting away of mine and The Boys' clothes. So far he hasn't noticed.

UPDATE: After posting last night, when the Dude went to bed, he did notice and it drew him out into the living room (where I was watching Colbert). This was our interaction:

The Dude: Why did you fold my clothes? You NEVER fold my clothes!

J9: I felt like it. (Normally, if I even thought about doing this in the past, it would be because I was sick of seeing the mound of clothes, and I've kind of made the area where the mound usually exists a blind spot now.)

The Dude: But WHY?

J9: 'cause I wanted to.

The Dude: Why would you WANT to?

J9: Because I love you, and thought it would be a nice thing to do for you.

The Dude didn't have a response for that, but he did lean down and give me a kiss. :-)

Love Dare Day 9

Today's Dare:

Think of a specific way you’d like to greet your spouse today. Do it with a smile and with enthusiasm. Then determine to change your greeting to reflect your love for them.

I had to skip Sunday because we'd been out of the house for 2 days in a row - snow Saturday and zoo Sunday. So this morning, instead of my usual grunting good morning (did I mention I'm not a morning person?), I greeted The Dude with a hale and hearty "Good Morning Dear!" He didn't react at all. He was still half asleep, and I think the time change is getting to him. He called and I answered the phone cheerily, and he responded in kind. We'll see how it goes this afternoon.

When he came home, we had people here and I kissed him and gave him a big hug. He was tired from working on a remodel all day and went to take a shower. He had to leave before our company for a Biology test. He just got home a couple of moments ago and I cheerily greeted him again. He was looking run down, but after asking about the test and cheering him on about how he did, he's in a good mood now!

The Love Dare Day 7

Today's Dare:

Get two sheets of paper. On the first, write out positive things about your spouse. Then do the same with negative things on the second. Place both sheets in a secret place. At some point during the remainder of the day, pick a positive attribute from the first list and thank your spouse for having this characteristic.

Questions to ponder:
Which list was easier to make? What did this reveal about your thoughts?

I'm not going to post my lists here. It isn't fair to The Dude. I am willing to bare all, but he never agreed to have my perceptions of him aired here. He doesn't actually read my blog, but still. That having been said, the easier list initially was the negative list. However when all is said and done, the lists are about equal in length.

I did thank him for doing the dishes, which he did today, and does fairly regularly. There was a special circumstance around today's dishes. When the sink was overflowing from last nights and today's dishes, he began and soon clogged the sink. When he ran the disposal, the pipes under the sink came apart (as they do frequently for me), spewing what looked like vomit all over the floor, and the contents of the under sink cabinet. This all happened while I was out, and I returned to a pile of towels on the garage floor, and the distinct smell of vomit. When I got in the house, The Dude was sitting in his chair, earbuds in, music cranked, and arms crossed. Evidently the item that caused the massive backup and ensuing explosion was the week old, rotting salad that I had placed in the sink when he was assuring me that he would be doing the dishes yesterday. Added to that was the oldest's experiment in dough making which consisted of all the flour in the house and water. It dried into wheat paste and was difficult to scrape off the cookie sheet he'd placed it on. Of course, when I left the house none of this had happened, so I can only ascertain that this all took place under the ever watchful eye of The Dude.

Work was INSANE today, just an overwhelming amount of emotions, highs and lows. But I'm too drained to do that post tonight.

Love Dare Day 6

I really don't know why, but I needed a change of scenery from the stone heart.

Today's dare is:

Choose today to react to tough circumstances in your marriage in loving ways instead of with irritation. Begin by making a list of areas where you need to add margin to your schedule. Then list any wrong motivations that you need to release from your life.Questions to ponder...Where do you need to add margin to your life? When have you recently overreacted? What was your real motivation behind it? What decisions have you made today?

OK, quite a bit of thought involved, but I'm up for the challenge!

So, the biggie, and the first thing to mind is money. I know I am not alone in this subject being the one item we argue about, really to the exclusion of all others. I am not really on a timeline for money at all. We have none. I do need to respond in a more loving manner to The Dude's difficulty in obtaining a job. I know the economy is horrendous, and that he really is trying to get a job, I just find myself responding in a snide and decidedly unsupportive manner. I need to be more understanding, and supportive of his career decisions, and if he chooses not to listen to the advice of those who have tread the path before him, I will not point this out, but allow him the room to discover his own path.

My most recent overreaction came in a public setting, when I discovered The Dude had 2 pictures of an ex gf on his iPhone (the one I bought for him), One from their prom date, and a recent one. He had NO pictures of me, his wife. I tore into him at dinner, in a restaurant, with a bunch of our friends. It bothered me a whole lot. And they all tore into him as well. That was probably a less than loving way to handle the situation. I'm still not sure what I think of it at all. I haven't had time or energy to process it. Add to that the fact that they spend time each day texting, and e-mailing each other and talk on the phone, and I think it isn't right. There is something about this that feels wrong. PLUS there are people in my life dealing with similar issues right now, and I see how it is affecting them, and I'm a bit weirded out and paranoid. On the other hand, if The Dude were doing all of this with a buddy, and not an ex gf, then I think I wouldn't be as bothered. I've been having the "what does she have that I don't" thoughts, which is no emotional state to be in. not ever.

Also, I know that if he truly had feelings for this person, he would tell me. We are brutally honest in our relationship, much to the surprise of every therapist I've ever seen. There have been people I have been attracted to over the course of our life, and he knows, but never an emotional attachment to the point that I would choose any other person on this planet.

In news of the boys, they had Tae Kwon Do today and both did well at sparing. The oldest didn't work himself into a cry (an improvement), and the youngest minimized the Power Ranger/Ninja moves (also an improvement). The youngest had baseball practice, and this was the first one The Dude could attend, and agrees that his catching is getting better.

I was supposed to go on a field trip with the boys tomorrow, but I have to go to work because I a0 have an interview and b0 need to do the last day exit interview and final check disbursement with one of my employees. Today a few of us went to lunch, and had a good time visiting, which we do not usually get to do.

Yesterday's interview went OK, I thought one comment the interviewer made was odd. She said her biggest concern is that we work on opposite sides of the country. I think it's odd because it's been nearly 6 years since I had a boss that was in the same location, and I supervise people all over the US. I've never really had a problem with it, and it really sounded to me like a anti California vibe. Of course, I may be totally wrong on that, but that's how it came across to me. I have another interview tomorrow, and the supervisor sent a spreadsheet today for me to fill out and self identify my skill set, base don what she's looking for. I had to identify on a scale of 1-5 my experience on a whole host of things. The weird one, that makes me pause and seriously consider whether I want the job was, "Work - over 8 hours per day; weekends". This was coincidentally the only one I put my rating as expert because I have managed to juggle my time early morning, late night and weekends as my job has required in the 12 years I've been with this company. One of the questions I will be asking is what the supervisor's expectations are around this particular question, on a daily basis. I honestly do not want to work 20 hour days indefinitely. I've been there and done that and have the ravages of wrinkles, grey hair, and a large ass to show for it. We'll see how it goes though.

Love Dare Day 5

Today's dare is:

Ask your spouse to tell you three things that cause him to be uncomfortable or irritated with you. You must do so without attacking them or justifying your behavior. This is from their perspective only.

This will be difficult in person, so I sent it via e-mail. And because I'm a chicken. The Dude wrote back asking what this was about, and then called me to talk about it. I said I am trying to improve myself, and improve in our relationship. He started with, there is nothing that I do that makes him uncomfortable or irritates him, which I know isn't true, and could have guessed the things he did end up naming. He tempered all comments with the statements that he wouldn't attempt to change me, as I am who I am, and he would never ask me to change because then I wouldn't be comfortable being myself with him. So what did he name?

1. I fart like a man.
2. I eat late at night and lament that I want to lose weight.
3. I dress butch alot.

In my own defense to the readers of this blog, I will explain to you what the hell all of this means/is/etc. Once you stop laughing your asses off. Go ahead. I'll wait.

OK, done now? wiped your eyes? Good.

1. I fart like a man. This is completely true, and I almost didn't put these here at all because of this, but I'm being perfectly honest, so it's here. This wasn't always so. For the first 4 years of our relationship, I demurely excused myself from his company to care for any gastrointestinal issues. Then I was diagnosed as having a pre ulcer, and a hiatal hernia. I changed my eating habits (going vegan), and became more comfortable with myself, and our relationship, and stopped holding things back (pun intended).

2. I eat late at night and lament that I want to lose weight. This is also true - I am a carboholic, and I like to snack at night. I am also naturally a night owl, and have no problem eating at 9pm and then going to bed at 1am. The issue is, I have to go to bed before 11, because the boys get up at dawn, and if I don't get enough sleep, I am a bitch on wheels. So I eat at 9, go to bed at 10ish, and whatever I just ate sits in my stomach, turning into fat. I know how to eat to be healthy, I just haven't been especially motivated to do so. Also, I'm an emotional eater, and with all the financial crap going on and uncertain employment future - well you see where this is going...

3. I dress butch alot. This is totally true. The Dude also said that I have always been this way (also true). I am not now, nor have I ever been a girlie girl. I do not like to shop. I do not wear dresses or skirts, except on rare occasions. Lately I have been wearing more hippieish clothes. Think peace sign t-shirts in every style, but they are still t-shirts. My business attire is slacks, sneakers, boots, or some other casual shoe, a peace sign t-shirt, and a blazer that is square cut, not tailored. Today instead of a blazer, I went with a peace sign scarf. Every girly collection my mom tried to start for me fell completely flat, with the one exception of teapots. I have OODLES of those and no room to display them. I especially appreciate the aesthetics of Yixing Clay. I do have a collection of antique cameras - also no room to display - that my mom thinks isn't feminine enough.

On the weird cat front, she also now likes to chew on/lick pistachio shells. Like a parrot, turning them in her mouth and spitting them back out. I tried giving her a whole one, just to see if she'd crack the meat out and eat it, but I think she was just into the salt. If you are keeping track, her weird likes also includes yogurt covered raisins, though not yogurt nor raisins.

Love Dare Day 4

Today's dare is:

Contact your spouse sometime during the business of the day. Have no agenda other than asking how he or she is doing and if there is anything you could do for them.

This may or may not work. I'm working from home today, and I think The Dude isn't working at all today because of the rain. We'll see if I can catch him out on an errand to be able to call him on the phone instead of just walking in the other room to talk to him.

I've been trying to leave the house to photograph bird houses and churches, but the rain has been in a nearly constant downpour. I did make it out on errands yesterday, including shower caps to protect my camera in this weather. Now I just need a break in my work schedule... I know what birdhouses I want to shoot, as well as what churches. If the weather was better I was going to do a whole "World Religions" in photographic form, but I think I'll stick with what is nearby.

So I did get the opportunity to call The Dude, and I asked how his day was going - he had decided to go work on the contracting job he's in the middle of, and spent a few minutes telling me what he was working on. I asked if he had a request for dinner, and he said if I could take the boys to Tae Kwon Do, and leave him instructions, he would cook dinner. I also asked if there was anything he would like for me to do, since I'm at home, and he remarked that I was being especially attentive today, and called me a dork because I've been taking care of the morning dishes before he gets the chance. I told him that while I'm here, I might as well take care of those sorts of things, to which he replied that it isn't my sole responsibility. And THAT is the very FIRST time he has EVER recognized that fact. Or at least the first time he proactively voiced it instead of taking advantage of my generosity. There may be something to this after all!

The rest of the afternoon was taken up with play dates, Tae Kwon Do, and rain. The Dude made Meatloaf and potatoes, and I mashed them when I came home. The boys were able to try out the fizzy bath egg things, and loved them. The grape smells,like Grape Kool-aid, and the Orange didn't smell as strong of Cotton Candy. The dinosaurs that emerged are cute and small enough to fit in the drain...

Love Dare Day 3

Today is day 3 and today's dare is:

"What you invest your time and money into will determine what you have chosen to love. Your heart will be inclined to what you invest in. Today, buy something unexpected for your spouse as a way of showing them that they are what you value most."

So I have to figure out what I can get The Dude that won't put me under financially - he needs a car, but I just can't swing that right now with my uncertain employment future.

OK, so I went with something small that I KNOW he likes - Candy Corn. I know, a bit out of season and weird, but that's the point. I saw it and thought of him, not of Halloween, or the dentist, but of him. Now. In March.

I even wrote a note on the bag that said, "Saw this and thought of you". When he saw it he responded with, "So someone bought gum drops today?", to which I replied, "no, I just bought those for you." I think he was surprised because I would usually buy him candy only if I also bought myself some.

I didn't let him know, but I also picked up some bath fizzy stuff for the boys that fizzes down to reveal a dinosaur. Cute idea but gross kid smells of grape, melon and cotton candy. The boys were excited to take baths tonight though. I got directly into my pajamas when The Dude left for class tonight, completely forgetting that it is Dr. Seuss' birthday, and the boys school celebrates by gathering in the cafeteria, sitting on the floor to read his books, sing happy birthday, win a book in a raffle, and have birthday cake. We went last year, and the boys had fun tonight too. I now have 5 copies of "If You Give A Pig A Pancake" because the boys picked up 3 to add to the 2 I already have. Thankfully, the youngest also picked up a robot book. The 3 new books will be dontated to a Preschool, so all is good.

Today was the least frugal day of my year. I had to buy a wheel to replace the one destroyed on our return from Mardi Gras. Today was also the first day to register the boys for swim team, and the oldest for drama. Luckily, the soccer on-line registration was down, or I would have registered the youngest for that as well. I'll have to try again tomorrow.

Love Dare Day 2

So this is day 2 of the love dare, and today's dare is:

In addition to saying nothing negative to your spouse again today, Do at least one unexpected gesture as an act of kindness.

Again, The Dude is going to be working, and the boys and I will be doing something on this rainy day.

Talked to sis, and she said this was actually based on a couple of books, and there is a movie involved as well. She has the books and will bring them to dinner tonight. I'll start reading them and see what they have to say.

So the day time went pretty well., as we were not really together all that much, but I also added the boys to the challenge, and I did fine as I usually don't say anything negative to them either. At dinner it was a bit more difficult, and I ended up not saying a whole lot, but there were a couple of times when I just could not hold it in any longer. Sis really helped at one point when she could see I was nearly biting my tongue in half, and I mouthed across the table, "You see how difficult he is making this." She jumped right in and changed the subject. Thanks sis, I owe you one! And the folks seemed to be uncomfortable with The Dude's ranting and my not saying anything in retort (which I have to admit I do a great deal, and I'm good at). I can usually steer the conversation away from uncomfortable subjects with well timed phrases that let The Dude know it's time to move on, but all of the ones coming to mind were negative, so I just kept silent. I'm almost positive this will illicit a phone call from mom to either sis or me for discussion.

As for doing something unexpected as an act of kindness, that was more difficult as we weren't together or home for the majority of today. I did all of the dishes all day, made him a pot of tea, and changed the bed linens. OK, I normally do all of that stuff, but I usually grumble about the dishes, and always ask him to help make the bed up, so I thought it was a nice gesture. This allowed for him to stay rooted to his chair, watching The Dark Knight. No more or less stomach acid today, so I guess it isn't killing me to be nicer (not that I'm a bitch on wheels to begin with). I prefer a tranquil home, but I have 2 boy humans a husband and a male dog, so tranquility only exists in small slices of my day.

Love Dare Day 1

So I've noticed, that this dare seems to be tied to religion - 40 days, each dare day starts with a religious quote, but I'm going to try it anyway.

Dare:The first part of this dare is fairly simple. Although love is communicated in a number of ways, our words often reflect the condition of our heart. For the next day, resolve to demonstrate patience and to say nothing negative to your spouse at all. If the temptation arises, choose not to say anything. It's better to hold your tongue than to say something you'll regret.

I will try, and admit that I may not be spending a ton of time with The Dude today. He has work, and I have younger boy's baseball practice, laundry and grocery shopping.

Today went OK. I did hold my tongue on the few occasions I wanted to say something snarky or sarcastic. What I did notice is that I became resentful of the "go along to get along" attitude of this first day. Why should I raise my blood pressure just to keep it in and not say anything? seems victim like to me. Not that there is anything major going on at all, just didn't feel like sublimating my feelings. I have found it less of a tax on my blood pressure to just say when something is annoying me, and most of the time, I have to hit The Dude with the proverbial 2 by 4 to get it through his head. Subtlety does NOT work on him. Not. At. All.

We'll see how day 2 goes. He's working again, and we're going to the folks' for dinner.