I really don't know why, but I needed a change of scenery from the stone heart.
Today's dare is:
Choose today to react to tough circumstances in your marriage in loving ways instead of with irritation. Begin by making a list of areas where you need to add margin to your schedule. Then list any wrong motivations that you need to release from your life.Questions to ponder...Where do you need to add margin to your life? When have you recently overreacted? What was your real motivation behind it? What decisions have you made today?
OK, quite a bit of thought involved, but I'm up for the challenge!
So, the biggie, and the first thing to mind is money. I know I am not alone in this subject being the one item we argue about, really to the exclusion of all others. I am not really on a timeline for money at all. We have none. I do need to respond in a more loving manner to The Dude's difficulty in obtaining a job. I know the economy is horrendous, and that he really is trying to get a job, I just find myself responding in a snide and decidedly unsupportive manner. I need to be more understanding, and supportive of his career decisions, and if he chooses not to listen to the advice of those who have tread the path before him, I will not point this out, but allow him the room to discover his own path.
My most recent overreaction came in a public setting, when I discovered The Dude had 2 pictures of an ex gf on his iPhone (the one I bought for him), One from their prom date, and a recent one. He had NO pictures of me, his wife. I tore into him at dinner, in a restaurant, with a bunch of our friends. It bothered me a whole lot. And they all tore into him as well. That was probably a less than loving way to handle the situation. I'm still not sure what I think of it at all. I haven't had time or energy to process it. Add to that the fact that they spend time each day texting, and e-mailing each other and talk on the phone, and I think it isn't right. There is something about this that feels wrong. PLUS there are people in my life dealing with similar issues right now, and I see how it is affecting them, and I'm a bit weirded out and paranoid. On the other hand, if The Dude were doing all of this with a buddy, and not an ex gf, then I think I wouldn't be as bothered. I've been having the "what does she have that I don't" thoughts, which is no emotional state to be in. not ever.
Also, I know that if he truly had feelings for this person, he would tell me. We are brutally honest in our relationship, much to the surprise of every therapist I've ever seen. There have been people I have been attracted to over the course of our life, and he knows, but never an emotional attachment to the point that I would choose any other person on this planet.
In news of the boys, they had Tae Kwon Do today and both did well at sparing. The oldest didn't work himself into a cry (an improvement), and the youngest minimized the Power Ranger/Ninja moves (also an improvement). The youngest had baseball practice, and this was the first one The Dude could attend, and agrees that his catching is getting better.
I was supposed to go on a field trip with the boys tomorrow, but I have to go to work because I a0 have an interview and b0 need to do the last day exit interview and final check disbursement with one of my employees. Today a few of us went to lunch, and had a good time visiting, which we do not usually get to do.
Yesterday's interview went OK, I thought one comment the interviewer made was odd. She said her biggest concern is that we work on opposite sides of the country. I think it's odd because it's been nearly 6 years since I had a boss that was in the same location, and I supervise people all over the US. I've never really had a problem with it, and it really sounded to me like a anti California vibe. Of course, I may be totally wrong on that, but that's how it came across to me. I have another interview tomorrow, and the supervisor sent a spreadsheet today for me to fill out and self identify my skill set, base don what she's looking for. I had to identify on a scale of 1-5 my experience on a whole host of things. The weird one, that makes me pause and seriously consider whether I want the job was, "Work - over 8 hours per day; weekends". This was coincidentally the only one I put my rating as expert because I have managed to juggle my time early morning, late night and weekends as my job has required in the 12 years I've been with this company. One of the questions I will be asking is what the supervisor's expectations are around this particular question, on a daily basis. I honestly do not want to work 20 hour days indefinitely. I've been there and done that and have the ravages of wrinkles, grey hair, and a large ass to show for it. We'll see how it goes though.