Ask your spouse to tell you three things that cause him to be uncomfortable or irritated with you. You must do so without attacking them or justifying your behavior. This is from their perspective only.
This will be difficult in person, so I sent it via e-mail. And because I'm a chicken. The Dude wrote back asking what this was about, and then called me to talk about it. I said I am trying to improve myself, and improve in our relationship. He started with, there is nothing that I do that makes him uncomfortable or irritates him, which I know isn't true, and could have guessed the things he did end up naming. He tempered all comments with the statements that he wouldn't attempt to change me, as I am who I am, and he would never ask me to change because then I wouldn't be comfortable being myself with him. So what did he name?1. I fart like a man.
2. I eat late at night and lament that I want to lose weight.
3. I dress butch alot.
In my own defense to the readers of this blog, I will explain to you what the hell all of this means/is/etc. Once you stop laughing your asses off. Go ahead. I'll wait.
OK, done now? wiped your eyes? Good.
1. I fart like a man. This is completely true, and I almost didn't put these here at all because of this, but I'm being perfectly honest, so it's here. This wasn't always so. For the first 4 years of our relationship, I demurely excused myself from his company to care for any gastrointestinal issues. Then I was diagnosed as having a pre ulcer, and a hiatal hernia. I changed my eating habits (going vegan), and became more comfortable with myself, and our relationship, and stopped holding things back (pun intended).
2. I eat late at night and lament that I want to lose weight. This is also true - I am a carboholic, and I like to snack at night. I am also naturally a night owl, and have no problem eating at 9pm and then going to bed at 1am. The issue is, I have to go to bed before 11, because the boys get up at dawn, and if I don't get enough sleep, I am a bitch on wheels. So I eat at 9, go to bed at 10ish, and whatever I just ate sits in my stomach, turning into fat. I know how to eat to be healthy, I just haven't been especially motivated to do so. Also, I'm an emotional eater, and with all the financial crap going on and uncertain employment future - well you see where this is going...
3. I dress butch alot. This is totally true. The Dude also said that I have always been this way (also true). I am not now, nor have I ever been a girlie girl. I do not like to shop. I do not wear dresses or skirts, except on rare occasions. Lately I have been wearing more hippieish clothes. Think peace sign t-shirts in every style, but they are still t-shirts. My business attire is slacks, sneakers, boots, or some other casual shoe, a peace sign t-shirt, and a blazer that is square cut, not tailored. Today instead of a blazer, I went with a peace sign scarf. Every girly collection my mom tried to start for me fell completely flat, with the one exception of teapots. I have OODLES of those and no room to display them. I especially appreciate the aesthetics of Yixing Clay. I do have a collection of antique cameras - also no room to display - that my mom thinks isn't feminine enough.
On the weird cat front, she also now likes to chew on/lick pistachio shells. Like a parrot, turning them in her mouth and spitting them back out. I tried giving her a whole one, just to see if she'd crack the meat out and eat it, but I think she was just into the salt. If you are keeping track, her weird likes also includes yogurt covered raisins, though not yogurt nor raisins.