Boy, oh Boy is it shaping up to be a Looooooong summer

This was my day yesterday - officially day 2 of summer break for The Boys. The day started OK - my work day looked like this:

Leaving me little time to do anything for The Boys.

The Dude took them to swim practice, as I'd unsuccessfully tried to obtain wifi at the pool the day before.
Once home from swimming, they were all worn out and The Dude napped while I was on conference calls, and that is when the shenanigans took place. Following my calls, I emerged into the house to a weird smell. great. But it was a chemical smell, not a gross smell, so I thought it might actually be cologne, or something equally harmless. I entered the living room to 2 "cat that ate the canary" looks.
The following exchange took place:
I asked, "What's that smell?" The Oldest replied with a shrug, the youngest just ignored the question.
J9 (more emphatically and likely sounding more angry): Really, What's that smell?
The Oldest - another shrug
The Youngest - still silently ignoring the request
J9 (Now pissed off and moving to turn off the TV): WHAT. IS. THAT. SMELL?!?!
The Oldest: What smell?
The Youngest: I don't smell anything.
J9 (gesturing to the air): This smell, the smell that is NOT what our house normally smells like - THAT smell!
The Oldest (removing a can of hairspray from behind him): Well, I accidentally sat on this.
J9: Accidentally? You expect me to believe that you ACCIDENTALLY sat in the recliner, on a can of HAIRSPRAY that was no where near the recliner earlier?! Really?
[I must state that at this point what flashed though my brain was, "Oh dear God, he's going to be one of those people that show up on RN reports as having "accidentally" sat on a vibrator or something.]
The Oldest - shrugged again.
J9: Just so you know, this is hair spray, not air freshener. When you spray it all over the house, it makes everything sticky, thereby creating more cleaning work in the house. Also, it's poisonous for people and animals. To. Your. Room.
At this point The Youngest decides to chime in. I cut him off and went back to work.
Minutes Later, The Dude (from the bedroom): What's on Augie's fur? - Augie is the Mini Daschund puppy.
Upon emerging from the office again and seeing Augie walk by, I scooped him up and carried him to the living room, calling for The Oldest to join us.
J9 (to The Boys): What is on Augie's fur?
The Oldest: I dunno
The Youngest - again ignoring the question.
J9: I Asked, WHAT is on Augie's fur?
The Oldest: Where?
Mind you, this is a dog that is less than 18 inches long, so there isn't much examination needed...
J9 (presenting the dog to The Oldest): Here. On His Back. See? From his collar, to halfway down his back.
The Oldest (likely thinking it better to come clean at this point as I'm sure my face was red): Deodorant.
J9: DEODORANT?!?!?! WHY ON EARTH WOULD YOU PUT DEODORANT ON THE DOG?!
The Youngest: Well, he did it. (Likely story)
J9: SERIOUSLY! Deodorant is poisonous to a small dog like Augie, if he licked his back he will get sick. Deodorant is for people, NOT DOGS!
At this point, The Dude comes out and asks where they got deodorant. I interrupted to say I'd bought some at the store, and hadn't had a chance to put it away yet. I'm sure he was thinking none of this would have happened if only I'd put it away. Not true, but worth thinking about.
I sent The Oldest back to his room, where he wailed like we were beating him. Decent performance, but not Oscar worthy.
I got out towels and washed, partially dried the dog and handed him over to The Dude. The whole time, I was thinking, doesn't this burn animal's skins? Isn't that what the PETA ads are about? Crap! I hope Augie will be okay.
I put away the deodorant.
I found a coffee mug on an end table, and called The Oldest out to ask him about it.
J9: What's in this mug?
The Oldest: Butter for my popcorn.
J9: Put it in the sink please.
After all of this, I got The Boys into their Tae Kwon Do uniforms and drove them to the studio. While they were in class, I walked nearly 3 miles, in an attempt to release some of the stress. It was mostly successful.
When we got home, I made breakfast for dinner - eggs, bacon and toast for The Boys, and toast and celery with Yogurt Blue Cheese for me. The Dude declined dinner.
As I was doing dishes later, I came across the mug of "butter" from earlier, and it didn't look like butter, so I called The Oldest back over.
J9: What is really in the mug?
The Oldest: Deodorant and butter.
J9: I hope you didn't eat the deodorant.
The Oldest: No
J9: Why did you choose to waste the deodorant like this?
The Oldest (with a shrug): I dunno.
At this point I could really only sigh, and ask that they not play with any personal hygiene items, or medications, or chemicals of any kind.
I also need to talk to The Dude about leaving The Boys to their own devices.

Today was better, and easier, and I was able to get decent wifi. And we didn't leave The Boys alone for a moment.

It's likely going to be a Loooooooooong summer.

Wednesdays and I need a new name

So I had an idea this morning at 3ish while driving home from Harry Potter and The Half Blood Prince. I was listening to a replay of Derrick and Romaine And they were taking calls about "A Night of Drinking That Went Horribly, Horribly Wrong". I have certainly had my share of these, but they wouldn't fill more than 2 months of Wanton or Wild or Wicked Wednesdays Weird Wednesdays seems a bit more in step with what happened today, so I'll start with Weird Wednesday tales. This is eerily similar to earlier weird tales of my home. The temperatures here have been hovering just around 100 degrees. Yesterday afternoon, the office/playroom started smelling weird - like melted poo. This morning I spent some time trying to locate where the dog or cat may have left something. It wasn't until late this afternoon that I was able to sniff out the dead, bloated and rotting roof rat. Thankfully, The Dude was able to get it out in one piece, but that left a trail of smell. I sprayed everything down with Febreeze, opened the window, turned up the fan, and shut the door. Two hours later, everything was good to go. I have to wonder when my Little fur butt brought that treat in - this week? while we were on vacation? It makes my skin crawl really. I will regale you with tales of my Drunken nights gone horribly wrong starting next week. In the meantime - vote in the poll at right for your favorite alliterative Wednesday name.

I thought we were in the clear

Today was supposed to be the first day back to school after the holiday for both boys. Only one made it to school. The youngest has a bit more flu left in the lower intestines, and had an accident in his undies right before school. He's home, back in jammies, and his undies are in the trash. You get to a point (way after diapers) when it just isn't worth it to try and wash underwear full of something resembling all meat chili, that makes you gag from the smell. Sorry about the graphic nature of that description, but it was REALLY gross.

This weekend passed kind of uneventfully. No calls from sis, I spent 5 hours on Friday cleaning the house and purging old toys. Unfortunately, when the boys returned from seeing Bolt, they started crying that I was throwing out all their toys. I agreed to give them veto power, but they've already forgotten about the bins on the porch. They forgot because the youngest finally lost his first tooth.

Saturday morning, we hauled out the Christmas decorations, and put on Holiday music. We had fun getting it all up and looking good. I felt better about how clean and festive it all looks, and my mom gave me crap about no Nativity again this year. My only complaint is that we have a fake tree - this is year 2. While I enjoy not killing another tree, and the ease of care, I miss the smell. I don't want that fake tree in a can smell either. Last year, it never did feel like Christmas without the smell, so I may have to buy some random boughs of pine and figure out where to put them. (no pun intended)

To quell my bah humbugness, I bought the boys Santa hats, and some extra strings of lights for their room, and maybe the kitchen or office. The only festive parts of my house are the common rooms, although I took an idea of Cheryl's and made Santa hats for all the pictures in the house. There are lots of people in my pics, so I'm still working on it, but here's an idea of what I'm going for:I know, Santa hats on SCUBA divers is weird, but it looked worse when I had a hat on the shark too.

More Weird Smells

Originally posted 8/29

Yet another example of my life. It has been HOT here - today is the 3rd day of 108 or better. If you've been following my blog, you already know I share my life with a husband, two boys, a male dog, and a female cat.

Yesterday, the youngest boy came from the bedroom he shares with his brother to tell me that their room smelled funny. "Funny how?" I asked nervously. "Funny in a weird way, mom." I took a deep breath and dove right in with, "What does it smell like?" His reply was, "It smells like melted poo." I was struck speechless.

Melted Poo.

That got me thinking - what exactly would this smell like? How would one test if this was truly the smell? That led me to thinking about how Jelly Belly comes up with the gross Bertie Bot flavors. Who flavor tested ear wax? Does everyone's earwax actually taste the same? And what about booger? I know a whole range of pre-schoolers who could have taste tested that flavor for authenticity, my youngest included.

Armed with Febreeze, I opened the door, and their room smelled exactly like it always does. It smells like 2 boys, their toys, their beds, and dirty socks, and sweaty clothes. I sprayed the whole place down, put up the caution tape, and walked away. Today it smells slightly better, either the febreeze or my quarantine worked.

Oh, and Daisy brought in a sacrifice to the smelly room - a roof rat. Adorable fuzzy butt that she is, it was still alive, and she wanted to play.