Thoughtful Thursday

I have had this on my mind today, inspired by THIS POST.

How do you live your life? Do you have a split life? One that works the corporate slave machine, and another that lives in the land of faeries and majik? Do you live but one life, compartmentalizing it all into neat and tidy boxes? Do you have different personas to your work/family/friends? I like to think that I am the same person to all in my life, but I know that is not completely true. I hold secrets from various sections of my life. Some of those are for self preservation (or so I tell myself), and some are just for less hassle and scrutiny. Lately I've felt a bit too tipped toward the mundane, and too far from the majik in life. I am going to take a day next week to try and find that place again, that child like wonder and awe. I will try to leave behind my cynicism and doubt and just recapture what I know to be true. This will bring me closer to the universe, and closer to my higher self. You may be reading about it here, or it may still be shifting for me, only time will tell.

My love to you all for continued good health and happiness!

For Barry - a warming posture I learned in Tai Chi

I promised Barry that I'd post this with pictures, and I figured out a way to do it!

Stand with your feet shoulder width apart, pointing at 90 degrees from each other, weight evenly distributed on each foot, as well as between both feet.

Bend your knees, like you are sitting back into the posture, keeping your back in alignment from bottom to the top of your head.

Don't forget to breathe.

Your left arm will be in fromt of your chest, palm facing down, tip of fingers of left hand in front of your right shoulder. Left arm parallel to the ground, and a couple of inches from your body.

Remember again to breathe.

Your right arm will be near your private area, palm facing up, elbow bent so that your upper arm is perpendicular to the floor. Your hand is a few inches from your body, and directly below where your left hand would be, if your left hand were aligned at the center of your body.

You will be looking over your right shoulder.

Your hands are in a modified "holding a ball" posture, and I hold this in a relaxed manner, shoulders relaxed, breathing, for as long as I can, or until I am quite warm.

Don't forget to Ring a Bell tomorrow for Barry!

Laugh of the day and random things

Today's laugh comes from Granny on the Web.

My ass bones hurt. Why? you very well may inquire, and I will tell that it was not some wild sexcapade reminiscent of the 70's swing scene (when I was in actuality a small child, and not participating in those sorts of activities). I FINALLY got the use of a bicycle locker at work. This means I can lock up my bike in a more secure manner, eliminating the need to strip off everything of value, and it takes me far less time to dismount and get to my desk! The distance is only a bit over 4 miles each way. It took me 30 minutes this morning, sans coffee in 45 degree weather, and only 20 minutes to get home. It was warmer coming home, but I think it's mostly because I got a dismissive look from a 20 something hipster doofus, as I sat upon my commuter bike, panniers stuffed, and coffee cup holder on the handle bar. So I kept up with him the entire way - humph, there ya go sonny boy! I'll have to get a photo, as I'm sure the humor of that alone may brighten someone's day!

I've had some extremely disturbing and recurring dreams this weekend. I think it was due to Barry's recent post. My dreamscape is filled with dying, paralyzed and already dead dogs, and dogs left to die, and a huge pile of bones on the beach. I've had the dream 3 nights running, and I know I've had it in the past as well. Need to go the dream meanings website and check on it.
OK - for Dog: If the dog is dead or dying, then it indicates a loss of a good friend. Alternatively, it represents a deterioration of your instincts.
Beach: To see the beach in your dream, symbolizes the meeting between your two states of mind. The sand is symbolic of the rational and mental processes while the water signifies the irrational, unsteady, and emotional aspects of yourself. It is a place of transition between the physical/material and the spiritual.
Bones: To see bones in your dream, suggests the discovery of your personal, family, or cultural secrets. It is also symbolic of your underlying strengths that you have not yet recognized. Consider the symbolism of getting to the "bare bones" or the significance of "having a bone to pick with someone."
Paralyzed: symbolically, dreaming that you are paralyzed may mean you are feeling helpless or pinned down in some aspects or circumstances of your waking life. You may feel unable to deal with a situation or that you can't do or change anything. Alternatively, the dream suggests that you are feeling emotionally paralyzed. You are having difficulties expressing your feelings.
Well, I can probably get to what this is all about, and what it requires, which is more work on listening to myself, and paying closer attention to all that is going on around me. I know where I need to go, I know my path, and I think I've wandered a bit too far into the woods - time to get back on track!

Overheard the boys using the word "tussle", as in "Are you trying to tussle with me?" No doubt a modified version of "Are you talkin' to me?"

Today The Oldest is wearing his banana costume and a Santa Hat, declaring himself Banana Clause.

Done with the majority of decorations inside - still need to do my santa hats all around, and the outdoor decor will get up when The Dude gets around to it (maybe next week). Invitations are out for The Oldest's 9th parties (yes, you read that right). One for family, and one for school friends, which I will post about at some other time.

Having last week off of work completely rocked, but having to go back today? Not. So. Much. Though riding in made me feel like I was doing something good for myself, and provided a nice mental break. The boys feel the same way, as all 3 of them were doing homework after school today and acting less than delighted by the task. I think we need a more Zen like attitude, or is that Pennsylvania Dutch? ( I get my "doing simple things simply and using the task and time for meditation/prayer" stuff mixed up.)

Oh, and I have a splitting headache because The Boys have been listening to this Looney Tunes animated musical ornaments thing that I've had FOREVER. Think this:

but with each character having been split apart with the added ability to hang on the tree. It cycles through 21 holiday classics, and makes my head hurt. We listened all Sunday while decorating the tree, and for 2 hours after school today.

Oh, and I'm totally loving this show. It's the message that I love, not necessarily the people they run into, though that is entertaining as it's own commentary on society.

I believe in angels

Woke up with this song going through my head - has been all day, especially the lyric above.

ABBA - I Have A Dream
Uploaded by djoik

Got a call from another cohort at work. Evidently my name is on a list of folks that have been surplussed. He wanted to know if I was taking the money and running, or looking to stay. When I told him I was looking to stay, he asked for my resume, and said he will advocate for me and my team for positions in his organization - YAY! Now I know why the song was in my head all morning.

This popped on in the car on my way to a photo walk:



I listened to this ENDLESSLY in High School. This clip actually had me laughing - remember the Solid Gold Dancers? Marilyn McCoo?
Later in the afternoon, this came across. Normally I wouldn't link to that website, and I wouldn't have if I could have found this version elsewhere, but I didn't. Ru Paul looks AWESOME! I admit to having an obsession with drag queens, and have written about it before.

During my walk I was able to see a couple of streets downtown that I normally do not get to walk. It was eye opening, and nice to slow down the pace and listen to the sounds of the area. I'll have some of the photos in my Friday post, and for Sunday Stills.

I was blown away last night after stumbling across this blog. Nick is only 20, but some of his thoughts are right on the money and I will be using some here. Yesterday's thought that completely hit it on the head for me: "Never let someone become so much of yourself that you lose yourself if you lose them. Love is a chance, not a guarantee…embrace what comes but never fight for what leaves." Nick gets it, and I look forward to reading how his philosophy evolves as he goes along.

My thought of the day, that was brought back to light recently is a quote from the movie Unbreakable, "The villain is the hero of his own story." Too true, and when you are too close to a situation to see the bigger picture, it is even more difficult to see this fact. It's true for normal people too. Many people are just going through their lives with blinders on, thinking that they are doing the right thing, the just thing, and not accepting the reality that their actions and words affect those around them, sometimes very profoundly, and sometimes for the worse. There is a sad lack of self reflection and evaluation. If you knew how badly things were going to turn out, would you have made the same decisions? Why, or why not? I've found that even major cluster fucks of life can provide the opportunity to learn about life, about yourself, about the worth of family and friends. In the immediate aftermath, I think we'd all say that we would do things differently, but after sometimes years of reflection, we find the lesson we were supposed to learn all along. It is then that we change to knowing why things happen, and why we wouldn't change a single thing.

And now some light hearted fair for your enjoyment:

Cold Medicines make you loopy

As evidenced by my last post. I am no less loopy today, it is still beyond frigid here, and there are clouds with no moon in sight. At least if it rains, the weather should warm up. One can hope it won't snow. I've been sounding like I'm hacking up a lung for a few days now, and it's turned into this croupy sounding mess. Add to that the stress incontinence of having had a 13 pound baby - the natural way, and my period, and you'd know why I'm not right about the head at all this week.

Then there is the Sunday Stills Challenge - the moon. An ominous sign for sure. First off, full moons are crap to shoot because there is so much reflective surface. I might have to get REALLY creative with this week, especially if I can't capture the moon at all. We'll see what I can come up with before Sunday.

I'm tired of looking for a job. It gets more depressing each day that I am not phoned in abject wonder of why, oh WHY would any sane company let me walk out the door. I know, a bit much to hope for, but really why would they?

Frugality update - Eaten every meal at home this week, and have cooked a ton of meat because Ron is on a carnivore diet again. Cross Roast, Turkey, Italian Sausage. Blech. Tomorrow I'm making Corn Chowder again. I also went to the storage shed and dug up my old tea pot. See, I'd packed it away a few years ago in an effort to declutter the house. Now I've started drinking tea again, I wanted it back. Ron said to just go buy a new one, but I'm SO not going to do that when I have SEVERAL tea pots just sitting in storage. It was in the first box I opened - HA! I also found that if I make tea in the evening after the kids go to sleep, it helps me not eat my weight in popcorn or other snack crap, it warms me up, and helps me sleep better. Also, it makes my throat and chest feel better in this cough/cold thing. That reminds me, I need to order tea.

Ordering done, my Imunitea should be here shortly.

Valentine's day is right around the corner and the boys are nearly done with the valentine's for their class. Tomorrow is the 100th day of school for this year and their class is making trail mix. Each kid has to bring 100 of something that would go in trail mix. My oldest is bringing 100 pieces of Honey Combs cereal. The youngest is bringing 100 craisins. Last year had a weird combo of Sour Cream and Onion Potato Chips and Reese's Pieces, but the kids all like it.

No more bees, but today I was surprised to see about 40 crows in the field behind my house. I usually don't see that many at once.

More Bees?

Seriously, I think I need to re-examine my relationship to bees. Yesterday, I ran across this post, and today my oldest read this book. Both have bees or bee related items. To top it off, I've been drinking tea with honey for the past 2 nights because I've developed a chest cold, and I think the bees are winning, or at least deserve additional attention. I feel like this is another synchronous event that I need to pay attention to, so I am.

By the way, my dear friends in facebook think it's hysterically funny that I have a chest cold, or maybe they are reading it backward as cold chest. I've even been asked if I've been running around outside naked again...

Which I haven't in a really long time. Not since the Key West Police Department started giving t-shirts to women who were less clothed at Fantasy Fest. Sure, I've flashed for beads a few times, and I like my boobs, I think they are rather nice, in a pale freckly kind of way. But I reserve the pleasure of seeing them for my family. Yes, my sons regularly see me in a state of undress. I don't want them having any weird thoughts about naked bodies. My husband disagrees. He doesn't like seeing naked people, unless it's women who get paid to get naked, and even then only occasionally, and he certainly doesn't want any naked butts on his furniture. I think it's a weird hang up of his. I do draw the line at leaving the window shades open (lest you who know where I live get any bright ideas), answering the door, and working from home in the buff. I think it would be inherently odd to be talking to a VP of any company while naked.

Of course those are my hang-ups, and I completely support those who have a more or less strict view of nudity. It takes all kinds of people to make this world, and I don't begrudge anyone who can make it work for them.

Wow, this rambling post brought to you by the fine makers of Tylenol Cold night time formula...
Maybe Naked Jen has a good tea to get me back to normal. I have to remember to contact her in the morning, when I'm not in a rambling stupor.

Something to make you smile, and more rambling

First a video that always makes me smile:


I love this song, and often find it running through my head. This is preferable to the usual song that gets stuck in my head:

Yes, the Ethel Merman version. Though, I do LOVE Ethel, if she's in my head for more than an hour I get a headache!

Last night at training, we witnessed a guy in pole climbing class lose all of his strength, and fall over backwards on the pole. Luckily, he was safety strapped in. He was up there for over an hour, and there was Fire & Rescue and ambulance on the scene. He was okay once he got to the ground, but all of the instructors were working to get him down, as were all of the emergency folks. After that, everyone was exhausted, and not much got done the rest of the evening, and I couldn't type or sleep when I first got home. My pole climbing is next week, and there is NO WAY I am going up that high - he had to have been 20-25 feet up. I'll go 2 steps, maybe 3.

Had coffee this morning with a dear friend, and it was so nice to get caught up. I was telling her of all the serendipitous events lately, and she agrees that it is wonderful when it all comes together. She's going to do a Tarot reading on me the next time we see each other. I had been thinking of her all weekend, and she contacted me yesterday. Pretty cool how that works!

Found more frugal sites in a web surfing frenzy last night:

Some of these are dubious:
http://planetary-gears.blogspot.com/2008/12/some-tightwad-things-ive-been-doing.html

This is pretty cool:
http://www.vinegartips.com/

And I've decided to take all of the crappy t-shirts that are totally unusable as shirts, and if I actually like the designs, I'm going to make a quilt out of them. I have no clue how to quilt, but I bet I can find info on line, or a quilting class nearby. Because I don't have enough to do...

A big shout out to MoJo. An angel in my time of need. She is fabulous! And more serendipity in my life!

Path of Thorns

More Videos

This Song has been going through my head for DAYS now. I LOVE Sarah McLachlan. I have loved her music for a good long while now, and I can't help but wonder why this song is stuck in my head. Is it related to my need to hear it at this moment in my life? Is it related to needing to hear it in order to help someone else through a difficult time?

This has been a month of introspection for me. I have been reevaluating my life, what is important to me, what I need to live a happy and fulfilling life. I don't have all the answers, some days I don't have any. But I can say that I am starting to recognize what is healthy about my life, and behaviors, and what is not. My path has been strewn with thorns. Many times over. My choices are heavily considered, and my happiness, and that of my family are at stake. I can no longer afford some of the comfort, and diplomacy I have made my trademark, and so begins a new chapter. I'm sure I will suffer losses during this transition, and I will piss people off, but I will not suffer any longer, and it is hardly fair to ask that my children suffer.

Foolish Pride is all mine this time around.