Tuesday, June 28, 2011

On Marriage

Firstly, congratulations to citizens of New York state in obtaining the right to marry a member of your same gender. This is another in an increasing list of places that support all of us in our pursuit of happiness. My state of California is not yet there, but we are certainly still working on it. There will be backlash (Michelle Bachman), but we will continue, for we must.

So, I haven't been blogging lately. I have been reading blogs, and maintaining two hand written journals, and intermittently logging my food intake. Not out of the ordinary, and I can use those as excuses for not writing here, but the truth is that I have been wading through emotional mud in my real life. Real life is messy, sometimes extremely so.
You know that shirt you've had for ever? The one that reminds you of how far you've come. The one you don't want to get rid of. It has rips and grease stains and no amount of washing, bleaching or pre-treating is ever going to get it clean. That shirt has decided to leave you. It has decided that it no longer wants to work on fitting with you. It has also moved on to another person who overlooks the stains, and holes, and finds it charming and helpful. The decades you have stayed with that shirt, good bad and ugly decades. Decades of picking up that shirt and wearing it, even when you didn't particularly feel like it. The time a few years ago when the shirt was spending time in another drawer, with another person, and you found out via e-mail. Through the counselling and the attempt to rebuild trust which created stains, and increased the depth of the holes in both of you. That shirt can no longer be a part of your life without you accepting your place as a perpetual victim, without losing a part of your self respect.

You have decided to stand up for yourself after years of just going along with whatever plan was thrown at you. You are now an ACTIVE participant in your life. You are not passive in this and you are strong. Know that you are strong.

For the fight against hatred and fear, and the path of love and light:

I took none of the photos on here today, though the last is a photo of me and The Oldest from here.


Anonymous said...

J9 - sending you love and gentle hugs. Stay strong, and trust that you have made the right decisions for YOU.

Jim said...

Yea - it seems my shirt strayed to that drawer too