July has come and gone

And what have I done this month? I've turned 45, managed to climb out of a 6 week depression with the help of a dear friend and a great therapist. I realized that there are many things I cannot control or change, gained insight into those around me, and took a TON of photos of The Boys' swim team. Oh, I also found a young buck near my house and managed to get a couple of decent shots, a Coopers Hawk, a flock of Turkey, and a cute fuzzy kitten. The non-deer shots were taken on a photo hunt to get the buck, which included hopping 8 fences, and being called a rebel by The Youngest.


Created with Admarket's flickrSLiDR.

What does August hold for me? More soul searching I'm sure, additional boundaries being set, visiting an old friend, and getting ready for the school year. Also I'm sure, additional yearning for adult company, though likely no movement on that front... I'll probably also read some fiction in an attempt to escape reality and continue to weather the pangs of The Boys' difficulties. Swim will end, Football will begin and clothes shopping will happen. My schedule really is dictated by those around me, and I will attempt to reclaim at least a bit of that. I will continue to photograph, and may even work more on exercising my physical being.

Another trip around the sun

My birthday was at the beginning of the month. I have been in a funk of late, feeling cavalierly dismissed from people's lives. trying to keep my shit together for The Boys and finding that more and more is slipping through the cracks in favor of a life lived in my head. I deserve better than that, as do The Boys. People IRL often ask how I am doing. What do I answer? "fine, surviving, as best as can be expected." What I really feel and think is of little consequence, though I know they are all concerned. I don't want to be a pity project, and I am lonely. I want a person in my life, a partner, butI know I am not ready. I do not want casual encounters. I am too far along in my life's journey for such folly. It would only bring me greater emotional pain that I do not want or need.