My birthday was at the beginning of the month. I have been in a funk of late, feeling cavalierly dismissed from people's lives. trying to keep my shit together for The Boys and finding that more and more is slipping through the cracks in favor of a life lived in my head. I deserve better than that, as do The Boys. People IRL often ask how I am doing. What do I answer? "fine, surviving, as best as can be expected." What I really feel and think is of little consequence, though I know they are all concerned. I don't want to be a pity project, and I am lonely. I want a person in my life, a partner, butI know I am not ready. I do not want casual encounters. I am too far along in my life's journey for such folly. It would only bring me greater emotional pain that I do not want or need.