There are days that are just difficult to get through. Yesterday was one of those days. It started with good intentions to complete a photo book of a 50th anniversary party I shot earlier in the year. May I recommend not doing this while also trying to wade through the emotional quicksand of a deteriorating marriage. Putting the photos together was fine. The problem and emotions came up while searching for quotes on long lasting love. What I found was a treasure trove of quotes on WHY people should stay together, and how marriages have good and bad, and how the longest ones are with people who overlook the problems. It was stuff I already know, but to have an overwhelming amount of information, and still realize that no matter how many times I chose to stay, he did not. It had me crying into my keyboard and turned a couple of hours into half a day.
He made a different choice, for his own reasons, and I cannot change that. I had second thoughts about sticking to my guns, and then took a long hot shower. I did some soul searching and came back to the point that I cannot stay in a relationship that has left me feeling so sad and angry and bad. If I were to stay, I would have to let a piece of me die, and that would lead to more of me being sacrificed every time he chose to stray. And then what? What is left at that point? Who am I and what do I become? Is there anything left to emotionally support my boys? My family? My friends?