Wednesday was the first day of school for The Boys, and they woke up nervously excited and way too early. They have been at the ex's since I sent them off for school, but in talking to them seem to have had a great beginning of the school year. They are great kids and I adore them and all the milestones we celebrate.
My bff is making some decisions that ultimately will be disappointing for me. If you say you will do something, my expectation is you will do that thing. I am not looking for back-up plans. And if you are considered to be a friend of mine? I expect notification well in advance so that I CAN formulate a plan B. Sigh, I have to wonder if my expectations of others is really out of alignment with how reliable they really are.
There are some things on my calendar for the long US weekend, and I am looking most forward to sleeping in. Corky works all three days, but I will see her for activities in the afternoons. This will be a busy school year for me and I am going to drop a couple of volunteer things from my calendar so that I can relieve some of my stress and start to move more, sit less and eat healthy.
My parents celebrated their 49th wedding anniversary on Thursday, and I am always struck by how they have remained together for so long, especially considering how horribly they treat one another when I am there. They are really mean and vicious with their words, and it is a bit triggering for me. I realized how much of a mediating force My Sister and I were when there, and now that they are retired and spending even more time together, it is obvious.
Celebrated a couple of friends and their new jobs starting next week with bloody marys and great conversation. Determined that there are some things I just need to woman up and deal with, and that I likely still need more sleep than I am getting.
Saturday, August 30, 2014
Wednesday, August 27, 2014
Thoughtful Thursday - Ice Buckets and fundraising
So, the ALS Ice Bucket challenge has raised $70M+ for ALSA. I think this is awesome and wonderful for people living with and dying from ALS. I worry about ALSA and what it will do with the huge influx of funds that are not going to be recurring. I hope they invest for ongoing income, or pick appropriate distribution of the funds.
I managed to avoid the challenge thus far, but Sunday I was called out by a dear friend on facebook. And Monday after lunch, I had The Oldest pour the ice water, while The Youngest filmed. I did not donate to ALSA, but instead chose breastcancer.org and bikeMS. I have a few friends with MS, and too many people to count in my life with breast cancer.
I have been thinking lately about Diane - so much so because the anniversary of her death is coming soon. I may get a tattoo that day to commemorate what she meant to me, which was so very much. Somehow I have not happened upon a design that reminds me of her - I know there will probably be a star, but I don't know what I will incorporate yet. I miss her, and always will. I could really use a nice long talk with her, hours long with no end in sight. I know she's happy, but still...
I managed to avoid the challenge thus far, but Sunday I was called out by a dear friend on facebook. And Monday after lunch, I had The Oldest pour the ice water, while The Youngest filmed. I did not donate to ALSA, but instead chose breastcancer.org and bikeMS. I have a few friends with MS, and too many people to count in my life with breast cancer.
I have been thinking lately about Diane - so much so because the anniversary of her death is coming soon. I may get a tattoo that day to commemorate what she meant to me, which was so very much. Somehow I have not happened upon a design that reminds me of her - I know there will probably be a star, but I don't know what I will incorporate yet. I miss her, and always will. I could really use a nice long talk with her, hours long with no end in sight. I know she's happy, but still...
Tuesday, August 26, 2014
Tableau Tuesday
Pictures are actually from two weekends ago, but hey I remembered to get something up, right?
Created with flickr slideshow.
Created with flickr slideshow.
Monday, August 25, 2014
Monday Morning Weekend Wrap Up
Well here it is the final Monday before The Boys start back to school. This year marks the first that I have not been at the Elementary school. I kind of miss all the little kids, but I am happy for us transitioning to the next stage. The weekend found us getting supplies and shoes and locker locks, after last week's registration. I accomplished everything I wanted to and felt focused at work, for school related things, and paying bills. I am the first to admit that I am not always on top of ALL of the things going on in my life, but after having a great laugh with Corky, and the weekend, I can say that all the plates are up, and they are all still spinning. I even have time for a break between spins!
Friday
Work, work, work - I had so much to do, but I was able to complete it all (no clue how), oh wait, I do know - I had a 6:30 am conference call, followed by about 3 hours of uninterrupted time during which I was able to focus and finish my work for the week. I will have more next week, but found some things I can reuse, so it should make the week go easier. Grocery shopped for the week and tomorrow's BBQ, and spent time laughing with Corky. Also completed Corky's resume and uploaded it to a job board.
Saturday
Made pineapple angel food cupcakes and fruit salad for the party. Laundry started, and mostly completed. Packed the ice chest, loaded the car and picked up Corky. She was in a crappy mood from work, and felt like not going, but we were on our way, and we ended up having a great time, and I saw several people I haven't seen in a very long time. It was a house concert with live band, food, drinks, sun and swim. The Boys had fun and enjoyed all of the compliments from people on how big they've gotten. I just felt relaxed and happy, and Corky was able to relax and enjoy herself. A great afternoon / evening! Came home and went to bed pretty early.
Sunday
Woke up at 12:10am with severe intestinal distress, and spent the next 50 minutes vacating my bowels. Went back to bed, only to have my lower intestine disagree with that position, and ended up back in the bathroom until 2:30. Back in bed and hoping I can sleep a little bit, while the scene from Monty Python's The Meaning of Life played in my head. Just nodded off and an earthquake struck. 6.1, centered about 40 miles away and a little over 6 miles deep. It lasted about 30 seconds, and was more of a rolling quake. I waited for it to be over, or get worse, and then listened for anyone else who might have woken up. The Boys, The Dogs and The Cat all slept right through. I managed to fall back asleep, only to be woken up by The Youngest after the ex texted them to see if they were ok. I went back to sleep for a couple of hours. Once up, I finished laundry and some school related activities, including cross referencing the school supply lists to see what really needs to be purchased. I also weed whacked the front and side yards with the help of The Boys. Also had them clear out all of the garbage and recycling to the curb for tomorrow's pick up. Corky stopped by after work, when I was just cleaned up and a bit shaky from carrying the weed whacker for a couple of hours. My arms are dead, like limp noodles, and shaky still - hours later. chilled out and read for the rest of the evening. Also? A dear friend challenged me to the ALS Ice Bucket Challenge, so I have that to look forward to - I hope it's at least warm tomorrow afternoon.
And because some of you may have no clue what I referred to earlier:
Friday
Work, work, work - I had so much to do, but I was able to complete it all (no clue how), oh wait, I do know - I had a 6:30 am conference call, followed by about 3 hours of uninterrupted time during which I was able to focus and finish my work for the week. I will have more next week, but found some things I can reuse, so it should make the week go easier. Grocery shopped for the week and tomorrow's BBQ, and spent time laughing with Corky. Also completed Corky's resume and uploaded it to a job board.
Saturday
Made pineapple angel food cupcakes and fruit salad for the party. Laundry started, and mostly completed. Packed the ice chest, loaded the car and picked up Corky. She was in a crappy mood from work, and felt like not going, but we were on our way, and we ended up having a great time, and I saw several people I haven't seen in a very long time. It was a house concert with live band, food, drinks, sun and swim. The Boys had fun and enjoyed all of the compliments from people on how big they've gotten. I just felt relaxed and happy, and Corky was able to relax and enjoy herself. A great afternoon / evening! Came home and went to bed pretty early.
Sunday
Woke up at 12:10am with severe intestinal distress, and spent the next 50 minutes vacating my bowels. Went back to bed, only to have my lower intestine disagree with that position, and ended up back in the bathroom until 2:30. Back in bed and hoping I can sleep a little bit, while the scene from Monty Python's The Meaning of Life played in my head. Just nodded off and an earthquake struck. 6.1, centered about 40 miles away and a little over 6 miles deep. It lasted about 30 seconds, and was more of a rolling quake. I waited for it to be over, or get worse, and then listened for anyone else who might have woken up. The Boys, The Dogs and The Cat all slept right through. I managed to fall back asleep, only to be woken up by The Youngest after the ex texted them to see if they were ok. I went back to sleep for a couple of hours. Once up, I finished laundry and some school related activities, including cross referencing the school supply lists to see what really needs to be purchased. I also weed whacked the front and side yards with the help of The Boys. Also had them clear out all of the garbage and recycling to the curb for tomorrow's pick up. Corky stopped by after work, when I was just cleaned up and a bit shaky from carrying the weed whacker for a couple of hours. My arms are dead, like limp noodles, and shaky still - hours later. chilled out and read for the rest of the evening. Also? A dear friend challenged me to the ALS Ice Bucket Challenge, so I have that to look forward to - I hope it's at least warm tomorrow afternoon.
And because some of you may have no clue what I referred to earlier:
Monday, August 18, 2014
Monday Morning Weekend Wrap Up
Well it was certainly busy
Friday
Corky had the day off and made me a delicious breakfast. I really love that she does this when she's here. I don't always make myself something to eat when I'm home alone, and most of those mornings are filled with coffee and something I can hold in one hand while typing. So, to have someone in my life who wants me to be healthy and to help take care of me in that way makes me feel especially loved. Late afternoon we picked up a UHaul trailer, and headed to pick up a fridge I bought from a friend. His brother was supposed to have cleaned the inside, and when it was obvious that did not happen, he insisted upon cleaning it for me. It took 4 of us to move the thing (which is insanely heavy), and I had to remove my front door, but we got it in and cleaned. Then we moved my old fridge to the home of the sister of my first boyfriend (who is now with the person I bought the fridge from). We then all went to dinner, which we have been trying to schedule for a couple of months. It was fun, and we laughed like crazy. Corky and JP saw a one year old, and both fawned over him. That caused the worker to tell Steve ad I that we all should have babies. Steve and I must have looked at her like she'd grown a new head. She justified it by saying that JP and Corky look like they love babies. They do, and I know Corky wishes she'd had kids when she was younger. We got home and started prepping for Saturday's activities.
Saturday
Finished prepping food, packed several ice chests and boxes and picked up The Boys. Headed to my family reunion where I met some of the family, and Maria met them all. I really had no reaction whatsoever to introducing her, and I now have to wonder if my conservative family really doesn't care that I am with a woman, or if they just didn't get the concept of what I was saying. I am not sure how they would have missed it though. We were together the entire day, and all four of us wore matching t-shirts... Well, considering I only see than once every few years, I am not that concerned about it. The exciting parts were Corky tripping over the ice chest and scraping her elbow, and my Dad almost passing out. Both are fine, but it was a bit weird. Oh, and the reunion was in the middle of a Frisbee golf course, so we were keeping our eyes out for discs. Dad had a heated argument with one disc owner who's bad aim nearly tagged a few of us. Following the reunion, we went to one of my friend's 40th birthday party. It was in the redwoods, at a huge park I'd never been to, and all the kids had a Nerf war. Dropped The Boys back at the ex' gf's house and talked about timeline for her moving in. After the dogs calmed down, I went immediately to bed.
Sunday
Corky worked early and I slept in. It was a hot day so I bathed the dogs, did laundry, and cleaned the kitchen. Corky came over and we spent some time together, including dinner at our favorite place. I spent my down time mid day and evening reading and catching up on radio shows I missed over the week. We talked more about Corky moving in, and how we would work out getting enough quality sleep, and getting her a job that works M-F, so we could have weekends together. We also looked for non-profit jobs for her. Tomorrow I need to write her resume so she can apply for a few jobs we've found.
I hope you all have a great week!
Friday
Corky had the day off and made me a delicious breakfast. I really love that she does this when she's here. I don't always make myself something to eat when I'm home alone, and most of those mornings are filled with coffee and something I can hold in one hand while typing. So, to have someone in my life who wants me to be healthy and to help take care of me in that way makes me feel especially loved. Late afternoon we picked up a UHaul trailer, and headed to pick up a fridge I bought from a friend. His brother was supposed to have cleaned the inside, and when it was obvious that did not happen, he insisted upon cleaning it for me. It took 4 of us to move the thing (which is insanely heavy), and I had to remove my front door, but we got it in and cleaned. Then we moved my old fridge to the home of the sister of my first boyfriend (who is now with the person I bought the fridge from). We then all went to dinner, which we have been trying to schedule for a couple of months. It was fun, and we laughed like crazy. Corky and JP saw a one year old, and both fawned over him. That caused the worker to tell Steve ad I that we all should have babies. Steve and I must have looked at her like she'd grown a new head. She justified it by saying that JP and Corky look like they love babies. They do, and I know Corky wishes she'd had kids when she was younger. We got home and started prepping for Saturday's activities.
Saturday
Finished prepping food, packed several ice chests and boxes and picked up The Boys. Headed to my family reunion where I met some of the family, and Maria met them all. I really had no reaction whatsoever to introducing her, and I now have to wonder if my conservative family really doesn't care that I am with a woman, or if they just didn't get the concept of what I was saying. I am not sure how they would have missed it though. We were together the entire day, and all four of us wore matching t-shirts... Well, considering I only see than once every few years, I am not that concerned about it. The exciting parts were Corky tripping over the ice chest and scraping her elbow, and my Dad almost passing out. Both are fine, but it was a bit weird. Oh, and the reunion was in the middle of a Frisbee golf course, so we were keeping our eyes out for discs. Dad had a heated argument with one disc owner who's bad aim nearly tagged a few of us. Following the reunion, we went to one of my friend's 40th birthday party. It was in the redwoods, at a huge park I'd never been to, and all the kids had a Nerf war. Dropped The Boys back at the ex' gf's house and talked about timeline for her moving in. After the dogs calmed down, I went immediately to bed.
Sunday
Corky worked early and I slept in. It was a hot day so I bathed the dogs, did laundry, and cleaned the kitchen. Corky came over and we spent some time together, including dinner at our favorite place. I spent my down time mid day and evening reading and catching up on radio shows I missed over the week. We talked more about Corky moving in, and how we would work out getting enough quality sleep, and getting her a job that works M-F, so we could have weekends together. We also looked for non-profit jobs for her. Tomorrow I need to write her resume so she can apply for a few jobs we've found.
I hope you all have a great week!
Monday, August 11, 2014
Monday Morning Weekend Wrap Up
Another weekend closer to back-to-school
Friday
The Boys' Jazz camp had a performance to wrap up the week, and both boys had solo's, The Oldest had a duet. They sounded really good. Had supper at about 4:00 from In-n-Out, and spent the evening doing some laundry and hanging around. I read a bit, and caught up on TV after The Boys went to bed. I missed having Corky here, but with her continuing cough, we both need sleep, so she's mostly been at her place, even on her days off.
Saturday
Slept in, and finished laundry, got The Boys to shower and try on clothes, getting rid of a bunch of The Youngest's too small shirts and shorts, and I now have an idea of the sizes they need, and what clothes. The Youngest needs nothing until it grows cold enough for long pants, and The Oldest only needs some shorts, and may need long pants too. I roasted some beets, had a delicious salad for lunch and went grocery shopping. Made dinner, and read some additional short stories before Corky stopped by after work to bid us all a good night.
Sunday
Went to the beach with The Boys, bff and her son. It was a pleasant day, a bit chilly. That didn't keep The Boys out of the water though. We initially tried going to a state park, but the lack of parking had us at the beach first. It drizzled a couple of times and I felt a little wind burnt after it all. Things were only slightly strained with bff, and a bit awkward. I still didn't talk to her about how I was hurt by her actions lately, and in some way I suppose she has also been hurt by my actions. Her husband is traveling out of country (this is the second trip in 3 weeks), and the last time he was gone, I didn't contact her to make sure she was okay. I will see her again later this week, and we spent today together, so that is actually WAY more than last trip. Still, I feel like I am trying to justify being remote by calling out that I was hurt. In reality, I never called her out on that initial hurt, and now my behavior must seem weird... And so, I will try to pull my shit together and just be who I am.
I hope you all have a good week.
Friday
The Boys' Jazz camp had a performance to wrap up the week, and both boys had solo's, The Oldest had a duet. They sounded really good. Had supper at about 4:00 from In-n-Out, and spent the evening doing some laundry and hanging around. I read a bit, and caught up on TV after The Boys went to bed. I missed having Corky here, but with her continuing cough, we both need sleep, so she's mostly been at her place, even on her days off.
Saturday
Slept in, and finished laundry, got The Boys to shower and try on clothes, getting rid of a bunch of The Youngest's too small shirts and shorts, and I now have an idea of the sizes they need, and what clothes. The Youngest needs nothing until it grows cold enough for long pants, and The Oldest only needs some shorts, and may need long pants too. I roasted some beets, had a delicious salad for lunch and went grocery shopping. Made dinner, and read some additional short stories before Corky stopped by after work to bid us all a good night.
Sunday
Went to the beach with The Boys, bff and her son. It was a pleasant day, a bit chilly. That didn't keep The Boys out of the water though. We initially tried going to a state park, but the lack of parking had us at the beach first. It drizzled a couple of times and I felt a little wind burnt after it all. Things were only slightly strained with bff, and a bit awkward. I still didn't talk to her about how I was hurt by her actions lately, and in some way I suppose she has also been hurt by my actions. Her husband is traveling out of country (this is the second trip in 3 weeks), and the last time he was gone, I didn't contact her to make sure she was okay. I will see her again later this week, and we spent today together, so that is actually WAY more than last trip. Still, I feel like I am trying to justify being remote by calling out that I was hurt. In reality, I never called her out on that initial hurt, and now my behavior must seem weird... And so, I will try to pull my shit together and just be who I am.
I hope you all have a good week.
Friday, August 8, 2014
Tough times and memories
So, I have been thinking quite a bit lately about mortality (I know, cheery subject). My reflections are around what I want to do with my life. Obviously, I want to see The Boys grown into men who are happy and self supporting, kind and healthy. I also want to travel more (which will happen). Mostly though, I want the people around me to know that they are loved. So, if I haven't told you lately (or ever), I am telling you now. I love you. You are important and you matter to me.
This week upcoming is a cousin's birthday, followed shortly by the anniversary of her mother's death. Soon Corky will be in the same situation. Both do not like the time around their birthday's because of the pain of loss they both feel. I cannot know what it is like, as both of my folks are still here, still alive, and still able to hear and feel my message of love. I suppose in some way so are their mothers, but not in a way that would necessarily show. I am thinking of how I want to help Corky, and I just made reservations to take her a couple of hours out of town, to a place neither of us have been, to relax and explore together. I was considering a particular place, that The Boys would also enjoy, but decided I would save that for us all to go, maybe during the holidays.
Also, starting to feel a little anxious about an upcoming family reunion. The last time I saw or spoke to any of these people was likely 3 or 4 years ago. I was still with the ex, and now I am showing up with my girlfriend. I have no clue what (if any) the reaction will be. I have been running scenarios in my head and trying to figure out various levels of response.
Today was a great day though. The Boys finished jazz band camp with a concert, and The Youngest says he's doing it again next year. He got considerably better over the course of just five days though, with a little help from The Oldest.
This week upcoming is a cousin's birthday, followed shortly by the anniversary of her mother's death. Soon Corky will be in the same situation. Both do not like the time around their birthday's because of the pain of loss they both feel. I cannot know what it is like, as both of my folks are still here, still alive, and still able to hear and feel my message of love. I suppose in some way so are their mothers, but not in a way that would necessarily show. I am thinking of how I want to help Corky, and I just made reservations to take her a couple of hours out of town, to a place neither of us have been, to relax and explore together. I was considering a particular place, that The Boys would also enjoy, but decided I would save that for us all to go, maybe during the holidays.
Also, starting to feel a little anxious about an upcoming family reunion. The last time I saw or spoke to any of these people was likely 3 or 4 years ago. I was still with the ex, and now I am showing up with my girlfriend. I have no clue what (if any) the reaction will be. I have been running scenarios in my head and trying to figure out various levels of response.
Today was a great day though. The Boys finished jazz band camp with a concert, and The Youngest says he's doing it again next year. He got considerably better over the course of just five days though, with a little help from The Oldest.
Monday, August 4, 2014
Monday Morning Weekend Wrap Up
Another Monday, this one closer to the fall return to school. Busy ass weekend:
Friday
After work, Corky and I picked up some deli sandwiches and headed to a concert in the park with a great band - Finding Stella. This clip is from last year, and they were just as good this year. We were farther from the stage, but there was far less lesbian drama this time around.
Last year's concert included Corky not having made her mind up yet, and kissing on her ex. This year, two of her exes are dating each other, and weirdly continue to try and engage her in their stuff. I get that lesbians are friends with their exes, but they keep trying to push her buttons, and she really doesn't even want to hear about it. The way she was treated by each of them left her feeling bad, and she hasn't forgotten that.
After the concert, stopped by the aquatic center and set up the umbrellas for the next morning.
Saturday
Swim Championships! I got there at 7am, parked far far away, and spent the next 9 hours cheering for all the kids I know who swim. they all did wonderfully, and The Boys' team took first, for the second year in a row. This year it was a larger margin than last, and everyone was happy. Came home and scarfed some food, fell asleep, woke up and then to bed. Missed seeing Corky all day - she's sick with a summer cold and worked then went to bed.
Sunday
Woke up kind of early to go to the bathroom then fell back asleep until 11. Feeling off balance and slightly dizzy all day, and unable to nap. Did pick up a trombone for The Boys' band camp this week. Things are weird with BFF, which probably means we need to talk soon. sigh. I did see Corky for a bit before she headed back to bed after work. Swim team awards night was fun. The Oldest won most improved for his age group (he won it a few years ago as well). I asked The Youngest what his thoughts were, looking back at the season and he said he wants to swim again next year. I didn't even ask The Oldest, as he's already stated that he is looking forward to swimming the summer after senior year of high school, which is only 5 years away. (Yikes!) watching the Seniors and the 15-18's, I just kept being surprised by what wonderful young men and women The Boys have the privilege of knowing. These kids volunteer their time to help the younger swimmers, who in turn idolize them and it keeps the tradition alive. Both of The Boys want to be swim coaches, and can't wait to be old enough. We've talked about everything else it takes to be a leader for the team: the time, the volunteer spirit, respect for their coaches all along the way, and the willingness and desire to help when they see a need, not just when asked. At their ages, it does take some coaching (by me) to see the need, but they are willing to step in when I point it out (especially The Oldest). I am proud of how far they both have come, and I only hope they will continue their summers with the summer family we've made.
Friday
After work, Corky and I picked up some deli sandwiches and headed to a concert in the park with a great band - Finding Stella. This clip is from last year, and they were just as good this year. We were farther from the stage, but there was far less lesbian drama this time around.
Last year's concert included Corky not having made her mind up yet, and kissing on her ex. This year, two of her exes are dating each other, and weirdly continue to try and engage her in their stuff. I get that lesbians are friends with their exes, but they keep trying to push her buttons, and she really doesn't even want to hear about it. The way she was treated by each of them left her feeling bad, and she hasn't forgotten that.
After the concert, stopped by the aquatic center and set up the umbrellas for the next morning.
Saturday
Swim Championships! I got there at 7am, parked far far away, and spent the next 9 hours cheering for all the kids I know who swim. they all did wonderfully, and The Boys' team took first, for the second year in a row. This year it was a larger margin than last, and everyone was happy. Came home and scarfed some food, fell asleep, woke up and then to bed. Missed seeing Corky all day - she's sick with a summer cold and worked then went to bed.
Sunday
Woke up kind of early to go to the bathroom then fell back asleep until 11. Feeling off balance and slightly dizzy all day, and unable to nap. Did pick up a trombone for The Boys' band camp this week. Things are weird with BFF, which probably means we need to talk soon. sigh. I did see Corky for a bit before she headed back to bed after work. Swim team awards night was fun. The Oldest won most improved for his age group (he won it a few years ago as well). I asked The Youngest what his thoughts were, looking back at the season and he said he wants to swim again next year. I didn't even ask The Oldest, as he's already stated that he is looking forward to swimming the summer after senior year of high school, which is only 5 years away. (Yikes!) watching the Seniors and the 15-18's, I just kept being surprised by what wonderful young men and women The Boys have the privilege of knowing. These kids volunteer their time to help the younger swimmers, who in turn idolize them and it keeps the tradition alive. Both of The Boys want to be swim coaches, and can't wait to be old enough. We've talked about everything else it takes to be a leader for the team: the time, the volunteer spirit, respect for their coaches all along the way, and the willingness and desire to help when they see a need, not just when asked. At their ages, it does take some coaching (by me) to see the need, but they are willing to step in when I point it out (especially The Oldest). I am proud of how far they both have come, and I only hope they will continue their summers with the summer family we've made.
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