Wicked Wednesday #11

Continuing with these posts.Wicked Wednesdays all began with this post. I'll regale you with another night of drinking that went horribly, horribly wrong. If you are under the age of consent for wherever you live in the universe, take these as cautionary tales. If you are like me and have had your share of poor judgement moments, then we can laugh together. Yes that is a picture of me with a lampshade on my head, doing the shimmy. I will not be posting the names of my cohorts in these wanton ways, but for clarification, will identify them by an initial of their names.

So there hasn't been necessarily any drunken escapades. What there has been is a hell of a lot of fun with one person in particular and figuring out how to date after such a long time not doing that. First date was a week ago , but that was after a few weeks of flirting, kissing and other things... We went to see Bound on the big screen and listen to a discussion on the film afterward. It was perfect for my film geeky side, and loved seeing the movie on a big screen. The evening ended at my place with dessert, and it was fun and hot and all kinds of awesome. I just want to continue enjoying this, but I feel likeI don't know if that will happen. A bit bummed at the moment about that. I am only one of many vying for these affections, I can't possibly be at the top of that list, though I hope to be. Also, I can't make a commitment given how burned I was by the last one I made. I really want this to be far more simple than it is, and I keep wondering why it isn't.

I find this person incredibly caring and genuine and with an inner strength and beauty that I cannot compare to anyone else. Just thinking about this person makes my stomach flip. Not traditionally handsome, not traditionally beautiful, the only word I can use to describe this person is fetching. I find myself drawn to many aspects of their personality. Plus, very talented.

Don't want to blow this and not even give it a shot. Can this be simple? Please?

Tableau Tuesday

Welcome to another Tuesday and photos of what I've been up to recently.



Created with Admarket's flickrSLiDR.

Wicked Wednesday #10

Continuing with these posts.Wicked Wednesdays all began with this post. I'll regale you with another night of drinking that went horribly, horribly wrong. If you are under the age of consent for wherever you live in the universe, take these as cautionary tales. If you are like me and have had your share of poor judgement moments, then we can laugh together. Yes that is a picture of me with a lampshade on my head, doing the shimmy. I will not be posting the names of my cohorts in these wanton ways, but for clarification, will identify them by an initial of their names.

Last week went to a wine bar for karaoke. The KJ is the daughter of a friend. I was driven there in Her fast car. Made kind of a fool of myself, drank an entire bottle of wine, did not eat, and felt pressured to date someone who has expressed interest in another. Despite all of that, had a blast.

Friday I spent most of the early morning with my body purging the wine from the previous night. It was bad. In the shower at 3:30am bad. So, hung over all day. Also texting flirts back and forth with Her. Flirty fun which ended with her saying she would kiss me in time. I told her she better keep that promise. In time.

Time was Saturday... She said she couldn't stop thinking about me and had to kiss me just so she could be at ease. Well, ok then. I got back from the kids swim meet, showered and asked where she wanted to meet. I have to take a moment to say that I was so fucking nervous about this. 1. I have never just met to hook up with anyone ever, and especially not for a first kiss. Mine have all happened more organically than this. 2. I have not had ANYONE even remotely interested or attracted to me in OVER 2 years. And really, who are we kidding, it's probably been more than 6 - 10 years. My self esteem in that area is pretty shitty. Ok. We meet at a park. We walk. We talk. At one point, I just can't take it anymore, I grab her face and kiss her. (oh, I have also not been the one to make a move usually).

Since then? I have a few hickeys to sport - the first in 30 years. Christ. Have been spending time with her. Have been flirting even more. Tonight I may wear somehing low cut, knowing she likes boobs and to see if this will turn into dating her instead of just harmless make out sessions conducted in secret...

So not regrettful at all, and not too wicked yet.

Stay tuned.

Reflections on 46 years

Lately I have been an emotional mess. Crying for the past couple of weeks at nearly everything. Doma and Prop 8 rulings from SCOTUS left me with happy tears. Wendy Davis standing up for Women's rights and bodies had me sheding tears of sisterhood. The ex and those shenanigans had me crying in frustration. The big cry fest however was on The Nephew's 14th birthday. This is one of my favorite people in all of the world. He is a kind, loving, funny kid. A great preacher - destined for theology, or leading a cult.

What my family began on Mother's Day was to go around the table and say something nice about the guest(s) of honor. There were tears then, but more were to flow when My Folks, Sis with BF and kids, My Aunt and The Boys and I got together to celebrate three generations of birthdays - The Nephew, Myself and My Dad. I love my family, truly. To hear what they all had to say about all of us was touching. To speak about two people I adore and love was lovely, but to hear everyone saying such beautiful and heartfelt things about me was humbling. It is often difficult for me to be in the limelight, and even less comfortable to accept let alone hear compliments about myself. I had tears streaming down my face for DAYS. It is one thing to have periferal people in your life tell you that you did something good, or even great, or inspiring. But to have your family, the people who have known you the longest and the best, the people who have seen you through everything tell you that they are inspired, you are admired, and they are proud is overwhelming. I spent a great deal of my life trying to impress my family and make them happy. I lived for a very long time in that. I changed. I went for self fullfilment, and you know what? They are all incredibly great with that. They love me, for who I am, for what I do to be me every day of my life.

And now the difficult part - I need to tell them who I really am. I feel like they already know - At least most of them do. For me, I need to be able to say that I am Bisexual. I am attracted to all genders. Or maybe I am really Pansexual, but I think an easier discussion to digest would be bisexual. Sis knows, her BF knows, My kids know (have all along). The generation above me - My Parents, and Aunts either know and haven't said, or do not know. This scares me, even though I know they will still love me. It may be horribly difficult for them to understand, and may take a really long time. Not sure when or where the revelation will come, but I know I need it to - soon.

I went to SF PRIDE yesterday and as much as I adore the family atmosphere, I realize that PRIDE is a youthful sport. The parade itself was over 5 hours long. I was nearly crushed against a barricade. I am sunburnt. However, I was able to actually go with a friend, which hasn't happened in probably a decade. This is one of my new friends, met through a meetup of Lesbian women. We have similar tastes in what we like to look at, so that was pretty fun.

Here's to another 46 revolutions around the sun!