life

Today marks a year since Diane died. During that period of time, not much has changed and everything has. The biggest thing that has changed is my desire to pour my heart out to someone, to a friend. I have now started to question my ability to even be a friend to anyone. I miss Diane. I wish she were still with us. I want to tell her what has been going on. I want to talk to her for so long that every battery on every phone dies. We did that often - 2 cordless phones, with 3 hours of battery life each, and we would talk until they couldn't charge fast enough to get power before we had to switch. We laughed and laughed and laughed. Diane helped me to see the humor in every situation, even those where humor was difficult to find. She saw me through my most difficult times, my most sad and down self, and she ALWAYS was able to make me laugh. Even battling for her life, she laughed when she could have been angry and sad - and make no mistake, she was both. And she was tired; tired of all the shit that went with the fight, and tired of idiots, and tired of not being heard or seen, and not being fought for. STILL, STILL she laughed. We were really good for one another. I made it my mission to make her laugh about some weird absurdity of her situation, some Murphy's Law bit of life. I love Diane still, and I miss her horribly.