Wednesday, November 12, 2008

First day Blues

Originally posted 8/25/08

Today was my youngest son's first day of kindergarten. I admit it, I cried. I cried when I was getting ready, thinking of his life so far, and what an awesome kid he is. I was also reflecting on this summer and how difficult it has been, and how my entire family was almost wiped out in a mere instant in time. We all survived, and while the physical scars are minimal, the emotional ones run rather deep for us all. The youngest has been sleeping with, and carrying about a teddy bear since the accident. The Bear's name is Barry, and starting to get a bit worn, but he has helped get us through a tough summer. I wish I had a Barry at times. My oldest went back to sleeping with a Silky - this smallish square of blanket, and spent many nightmare nights cuddling with me on the couch. I find myself crying at weird times, and the accident comes back to me when I am driving, and I get anxious and panicky all over again. And my husband - he's only been awake an average of 6 hours a day. He's bi-polar and depressed, and if you have ever lived with someone while they are balancing meds, then you know what we've been going through. He's also on anti-seizure meds, since it was a seizure that caused the accident in the first place. He's got his own demons of guilt to deal with, and there have been times when I wonder if it is all worth waiting around for.

Then, on days like today, when I see my boys sitting together in the cafeteria, eating lunch and sharing. Or now, when they are playing with the hose in the backyard. I am filled with such awe and love, that I start crying all over again.

They really are neat kids.

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