Wednesday, October 23, 2013

navel gazing

Well, Corky returned home safe and a bit more tan from Hawaii this week. I didn't realize how much I would miss her until she was gone, and I had my usual and some unusual stressors with which to deal. I missed the way she can hug me and my cares and stress just melt away. I missed her eyes. God, her eyes are beautiful. I missed the way she blushes when I tell her exactly that. I missed the look of love on her face when we are together. I missed her smile and her dimples. I missed the feel of her here, and the tactile feeling of her skin, and the way we touch each other.

I felt untethered, and by the end, a bit depressed. I was wondering if we were getting used to being apart, and it hurt. It made me more depressed, and I felt forlorn. When I did get to welcome her home, I had roses and chocolate bread pudding with me. We both cried. I want to go to Hawaii with her at some point and she can show me all that she loves about it. I want to take her to Key West so that I can show her all of the things I love about it. I want to discover new favorite places for us to share. However, I have The Boys, who I adore, and who take most of my finances at this point. Until they are grown and on their own, we can take vacations for us all, and local long weekends, but I have some serious looming large financial obligations (college, another car, possibly a larger place to live). For now we can plan and dream and talk about it.

The divorce papers are mostly complete - a few minor corrections remain, and we may get this finalized at the end of the year, and I will feel like I can honestly move on and stop fretting about all this shit. I am still holding out hope for financial upturn so that I can start orthodontic care on The Youngest sooner. Right now, I cannot swing double the current payment to the ortho, and with no help financially, I don't see that changing before the beginning of the year...

Corky comes home from work in a few minutes, so I should wrap this up, or it will likely go unpublished, languishing in the drafts for eternity... I feel like using big words, and flowery language tonight... hmmm

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