Another busy weekend, and somehow I feel a bit melancholy at the ending.
Was in the proverbial dog house most of the day. Corky had spent the night and the morning was actually quite nice. I really did and do miss being able to say goodnight to someone next to me right before going to sleep, and I miss good morning just as much. We discussed plans for later that evening, and it wasn't until I arrived at The Youngest's school that I realized I' already said yes to a girls night in - at another school mom's home. So I reminded Corky, who hadn't ever gotten the date for said evening. We'd discussed the event, but I didn't update her once I had an actual date. She was pissed. Rightfully so, as I did not effectively communicate the final plan. She had Friday and Saturday off work, which meant she could sleep over Friday and we could have a family night. She hung with The Boys, and I went for about 3 hours to the event. It was nice seeing and talking to people I don't get to see or visit with. But the entire evening had a pall cast over it by my feeling guilty for going, or staying any length of time, and I was not able to fully enjoy myself. I felt rushed to get home. I need to work on communication and get used to running things by another person before making plans. Corky stayed the night anyway. Also? Had the ex giving me crap for "forcing" The Oldest to go, but I told them both (because dealing with childishness seems to be a gift) that this is an honor - to be considered one of the few Gentile friends invited.
A rather early morning for a weekend and preparations for attending our first Bat Mitzvah. The service was in the morning, and I quite enjoyed the singing, and the Torah passage the friend of The Oldest chose. The Youngest split his time at the ex' and at my sister's. The ex always wants to have first right of refusal to watch The Boys on my weekends, but then actually cannot take them... The Youngest likely would have been happier at an all day play date at another friend's. He did enjoy my sister's and demanded that we go back soon. He did a great job of guilt tripping me (although we will be there on Mother's Day anyway). The dinner and party at night were fun, and the kids loved it. The Oldest had a blast and didn't leave the dance floor except to eat, or as necessitated by the ceremony. It ran until 11:00, but I promised to pick up The Youngest by 9:30, and The Oldest got in trouble for telling anyone who would listen that I was forcing him to leave. Ironic. He now didn't want to leave the party he whined about attending. Completely expected. Highlights included Mine and Corky's first dance at an event with (what I am guessing) mostly straight people. If I remember correctly, Reform Judaism and the Jews I know in particular, have zero religious objection to homosexuality. Everyone I didn't already know were very warm and wonderful (as I would expect from knowing the part of the family that I do).
Torah: Leviticus 19:9-10
And when you reap the harvest of your land, you shall not reap to the very corners of your field, nor shall you gather the gleanings of your harvest. And you shall not glean your vineyard, nor shall you gather every grape of your vineyard; you shall leave them for the poor and stranger; I am the Lord your God. (Leviticus 19:9-10) (Note: To glean is to gather the remains of the harvest left after the reapers collect)
I found the interpretation of this by Judaism, the Bat Mitzvah, and the Rabbi to be very interesting and applicable and useful to my life. I appreciated the subtle differences in their understandings, and what it means as young people grow into adults. The Bat Mitzvah added that the Earth does not actually belong to us, and we are the caretakers only. As such, we need to also care for those in need, the stranger and the poor equally. It is a lesson too few take into their hearts and their every day.
I woke up early, but went back to sleep following a bathroom break, and was woken by The Boys yelling at one another. I really had expected this, as neither went to bed at a remotely decent hour, and they both had soda, sugar, and junky food all evening. I refereed as long as I could from bed, but came running when The Oldest poked The Youngest in the eye with a pencil. It was an accident, as both attested, I didn't see any lacerations, punctures, or really any redness that would not normally be attributed to crying. So we ice packed the eye in question, and gave it about a half hour to see what it would do. In the mean time, The Oldest felt bad enough to start a complete meltdown, which included (unknown to me) texting the ex and the ex' gf to tell them he felt like shit and hated himself. After I got him calmed down, and The Youngest looked as though he would live, and his eye was fine, and about 30 minutes more of The Boys cleaning their morning mess and playing minecraft, I started getting texts from the ex asking what was going on. I then texted the details back. The ex' gf then texted The Oldest to tell him that they love him and it was all going to be okay...
A half hour after that, got another text from the ex asking how The Youngest's eye was... At that point I was already completely over the day, and it was only noon. So I finally showered and hauled my exhausted ass to grocery shop, leaving instructions with The Boys for things needing to be completed before I returned. I called them as I was leaving the store to tell them that all of those things I asked them to do, had better be done, and this was their 5 minute warning. I returned home to find most of the things were finished, and they did complete the rest when I pointed those out. I cleaned out the fridge and freezer and got some things together to take to Corky's for a BBQ dinner. I folded laundry, and made hummus and croutons for this week, and we headed out. Corky and her roommate were cool, and dinner was delicious. We watched Space Balls, and then Charlotte's Web, and of course I cried at Charlotte's Web - show me a mother who doesn't cry at that movie - I dare you. The Youngest comforted me, while The Oldest went into the kitchen to tell Corky and her roommate that I was already crying and it wasn't even the sad part yet, and could they even believe that! (teen boy typical) Corky came and sat with me and turned off the movie, could sense my sadness and asked about it. I think it really is fatigue from pubescent boys and the constant battles, and PMS, and lack of sleep. It is a combo that has me on the verge of tears even now, when I am crying for absolutely no reason, though as the sadness washes through me, I think of the many sad times of my life, the times of deep regret, and inner turmoil. The times when I failed myself. I know it is cathartic to cry this way now and again, but it bothers the younger cooler part of myself. At the same time, the older and wiser part of myself recognizes the learning I will gain from these experiences.
I need to go to bed. I need to sleep, and I need to rest my weary mind.