It was a very tough week for me emotionally. I've been feeling left out and like the weight of the world is on my shoulders. I'm really getting tired of being the peacemaker and go between. I'm also tired of being completely and nearly solely responsible for many of the things in my life. I had a mental breakdown on Wednesday, which is not nearly as fun as a Foggy Mountain Breakdown... It had me bawling, and not the sad, movie type crying, but the let it all hang out sobbing, or as Oprah calls it - The Ugly Cry. By Thursday I felt a bit better, but still held under the weight of it all being just too much. Thursday night, I went out with some friends to Shecky's, drank too much between the pre-event, event itself and post-event, and had a killer hangover on Friday which didn't clear until almost 10:30. I really have to remember that I don't drink much or often, and I am decades past two week, Buffett inspired benders. Almost had another crying jag at the pre-event happy hour when a friend said that she and another friend needed to just come over and drag me out of the house because she was feeling like I needed more breaks than I get. She's right, and she was also right in knowing that I would not just up and pop over to one of their houses for a break. Re-realized that as neurotic and over thinking as I am, and as crappy of a self-image I have had in the past, that I am much more secure than many of the other people I know. I guess it comes from years of event driven therapy ;-) Had a weird dream Friday morning, not weird in a weird, creepy or scary sense, but weird in the I've never had that type of dream before. And no it wasn't a sex dream - I've had plenty of those! I woke up and wrote in my journal about the emotional support I am not receiving in RL, and how that likely translated into why I had the dream I had. I have too many people I know IRL reading this blog to actually post what the dream was about, which bothers me on a whole other level. I wanted to make this a record of my thoughts and feelings, and I'm still finding myself editing what is here in consideration of how much shit I will get because of who I am, and because I'm honest about what is going on. SIGH. I'm getting to the tipping point on giving a rat's ass about what the hell ANYONE thinks about me, my family or my life.
Missed out on a couple of Photo Challenges, and actually did a shoot for money earlier in the week. Also almost complete with the edits to the wedding book I've been working on. It involved photo shop and adding a few pages, finding lyrics and ensuring page layouts were good. Almost ready to go to print! What I did shoot last week:
Created with Admarket's flickrSLiDR.
And because it actually cheered me up: