Thoughtful Thursday and Happy Halloween

Love and hug those around you while you can.

Today I am grateful for the life I have. I wouldn't change anything about my past because it continues to shape who I am and will become. I have hopes and dreams, but I am not overlooking exactly how fortunate I am. I grew up with parents who placed importance on education, and with teachers who cared. I hope I am passing down those same values to my kids. Not through my words, but through my actions. In fact, that has been a central theme lately. "It isn't what you say, it's what you do." I am doing my best to ensure my loved ones know that they are loved. I actually probably "do" too much, but I also have inherited the need to help out when I see there is a gap.

What I haven't had in a very, very long time, is someone standing with me to help, or just offer encouragement and support. I have that now, and sometimes it overwhelms me. Sometimes I don't believe it, and sometimes I push her away a bit because I have been hurt by the last person to promise support (but not really show that). That's mine to own and work out, and I will. In times of high stress (now), I need to remember to take care of myself, and look at all I have in my life. My problems truly are first world problems, and do not impact my ability to actually live, nor will they cause me to have to make any particularly difficult decisions. For all of that, and the ability to accept the words when reminded, I am grateful.

Love and Peace and Happiness for you all.
Oh, and have a safe and happy Halloween

This year's carvings:

Mine is Corky:

Tableau Tuesday

Some pics for the last two weekends:

Band Review in Santa Cruz:

 A happy band sibling:

 Band Review in Pleasanton:

 An unhappy band sibling:

 Halloween Toes:

Monday Morning Weekend Wrap Up

Another busy weekend - there are times of the year this seems to be the norm...

Friday
Signed up to work the middle school jog-a-thon from the time I dropped off The Youngest until 12:30. It was really foggy and cold out on the track in the morning, but had warmed up by the time I left. Went home, answered some e-mail and ate lunch. Turned around and taught art at the elementary school. Went to an early dinner with Corky to celebrate 3 months together (doesn't seem like that long, and yet seems much longer). The food was fab, the staff was really cool and the drinks were yum. The Boys were dropped off at 7:30 because the ex had stuff to do this weekend.

Saturday
4:30am wake up which I must have been anxious about, because I woke up at 2am, 3am, and 4am... This time had to get both boys ready and out of the house by 5:45 for another band review. This is the review hosted by the high school I attended, and where I was in the band for most of my time. It's the period of time in my life when I met some of the people I still hold as dear friends. The parade was good, and the concert too. The middle school band took 2nd for drumline, color guard and concert, and 1st for drum major and marching. This review brought me right back to my days in HS. During the concert, I had a flash to seeing Diane in the crowd, and one of the kids on stage really did look like her. I know she was there, and thinking about her made me feel really good. Stopped for In-n-Out for lunch and headed home where I completed uploading the first edits on the wedding I shot. I then took a reclining beach chair to the back deck and fell asleep in the sun. Woke up stiff and a bit out of it, came in and started cooking dinner. Corky came over and after dinner we got The boys dressed in costumes and off to Halloween Fun Night at the elementary post. This is The Youngest's final year at that school, and the first year when I did absolutely nothing for HFN. It felt weird, but really good to just go, and then leave when we wanted. The boys stayed up a bit late due to the over stimulation, candy and soda. I did some processing of band review photos from the two weeks, and went to bed.

Sunday
Slept in after being woken up by the cat's hunger and my full bladder at 6:30. When I did roll out of bed at 9:00, I felt rested and ready to tackle the world. Did laundry, got The Oldest to organize his schoolwork and do homework. Roasted beets, cleaned the fridge, and made a grocery list. Corky got off work and we headed out, presumably to get pumpkins to carve, but in reality to hit a sale for some late season shorts for The Oldest, and jeans for me, the costume place for a scythe for The Youngest, and grocery shop for the week. No pumpkins at that store, but after the hours in the car with two quarreling Tweens, I was done in, and Corky was over it. Dropped her off, and headed home. Had dinner and argued to get The Boys in showers, folded more laundry and painted my toenails while catching up on my TV shows. Feeling accomplished, but still left with more to do.

I hope you all have a great week!

navel gazing

Well, Corky returned home safe and a bit more tan from Hawaii this week. I didn't realize how much I would miss her until she was gone, and I had my usual and some unusual stressors with which to deal. I missed the way she can hug me and my cares and stress just melt away. I missed her eyes. God, her eyes are beautiful. I missed the way she blushes when I tell her exactly that. I missed the look of love on her face when we are together. I missed her smile and her dimples. I missed the feel of her here, and the tactile feeling of her skin, and the way we touch each other.

I felt untethered, and by the end, a bit depressed. I was wondering if we were getting used to being apart, and it hurt. It made me more depressed, and I felt forlorn. When I did get to welcome her home, I had roses and chocolate bread pudding with me. We both cried. I want to go to Hawaii with her at some point and she can show me all that she loves about it. I want to take her to Key West so that I can show her all of the things I love about it. I want to discover new favorite places for us to share. However, I have The Boys, who I adore, and who take most of my finances at this point. Until they are grown and on their own, we can take vacations for us all, and local long weekends, but I have some serious looming large financial obligations (college, another car, possibly a larger place to live). For now we can plan and dream and talk about it.

The divorce papers are mostly complete - a few minor corrections remain, and we may get this finalized at the end of the year, and I will feel like I can honestly move on and stop fretting about all this shit. I am still holding out hope for financial upturn so that I can start orthodontic care on The Youngest sooner. Right now, I cannot swing double the current payment to the ortho, and with no help financially, I don't see that changing before the beginning of the year...

Corky comes home from work in a few minutes, so I should wrap this up, or it will likely go unpublished, languishing in the drafts for eternity... I feel like using big words, and flowery language tonight... hmmm

Monday Morning Weekend Wrap Up

Another busy weekend in the books.

Friday
The Boys had orthodontist appointments toward the end of the school day, necessitating my signing them out early, and returning to school with The Youngest who was scheduled to sell ice cream after school. Also tie dyed a couple of shirts - the finals hopefully... The afternoon and evening were spent on homework and dinner and an early bed time.

Saturday
I was up at 3:30 so that The Oldest could eat breakfast and make it to school by 5:00 for the buses to the first (of many I'm sure) Band Review. The Youngest and I followed a bit later and were in time to see the competition and walk with them the rest of the parade. It brought back such awesome memories from my time in band. Of course I took photos and wrecked my already sore hip while running ahead to get a good shot... Photos to follow. Thoughts of Diane, and Steve, and Tina, and Andrea, and Esther, and Mayumi, and Kristi, and Michelle. Also couldn't help but chuckle thinking of The Krasinskis, Mrs. Habestad and the other band parents from my youth and how I am now one of them. The band review was in Santa Cruz, bringing back other memories of college life. We spent the day at the boardwalk, riding rides and having fun. Dinner at Saturn Cafe and my day was complete. the Boys slept on the way home, and I was short on the phone with Corky - I was beat and driving Hwy 17, but I still feel bad.

Sunday
Spent the day in my jammies. Cleaned house with The Boys' help. They cleaned their room, I cleaned downstairs, and we all cleaned the garage and got the Halloween stuff regrouped. Thought I broke a toe when I dragged the insanely heavy glass and solid wood coffee table across it in an attempt to vacuum. It was ice pack and head between the legs hurt. It doesn't look broken now, but still tender. Thought I was going to have to cut the toe rings off (still might, just in case). Did more laundry and The Oldest finished his homework. I edited wedding photos, hoping to get the proofs out in the next day, before Corky comes home from HI. I also read a bit, as did both Boys. Didn't hear much from Corky and wondering how used to being without each other we are getting as this vacation winds down. I hope it's because she is having fun, but I fear that is not the case. Well to bed early for me,  trying to rest this hip and catch up on the sleep I have missed all week.

May we all have a beauty and peace filled week ahead.

Thoughtful Thursday

Love and hug those around you while you can.

Today I am grateful. I am in a loving relationship with Corky. She is caring and loving and makes me feel so very happy. I spoke to her mom on Sunday before I fell asleep and I thanked her for raising such a wonderful person, and for bringing us together. I also thanked Diane and Gigi for getting me home safely to the people I love. I told Diane how much I miss her and how I would have really loved to have talked to her during the six hours of driving. I know we would have been laughing to the point of peeing ourselves, because that's what we did. I said hi to Uncle Jack, Grandma, Uncle Paul and Uncle Steve. I miss them all.

Tableau Tuesday

If you read yesterday's post, you know I shot a wedding on Sunday. My camera/flash combo had a few weird moments giving me some seriously blown out shots, that I kind of like from an artistic perspective, though they won't end up in the album.