(This was not what it looked like, and I would have gotten a picture if it had lasted more than 5 minutes after I got it home)
The week wouldn't be complete without another story about the boys and poop. On Monday, we went to my mom's to build gingerbread houses with sis and my nephews. One house for each family, and my boys split our house. Boy #1 had a swirly half of the roof, and boy #2 had bullseyes on his half. On the way home boy #1 remarked that something smelled weird. (If you've been reading this blog since it's inception, you already know this is not a good sign at all.) My reaction (as it always is), "What smells weird?" "There's something on my shoe." Now I yell, "DON'T TOUCH IT!" But of course he has already gotten it on his fingers. His. Fingers. So I tell him to smell it, hoping it is just mud, but knowing my luck is not that good. All I can see from the front seat is his face, and he is making a "oh no, I cant believe I have dog shit on my hands!" face. I then hand him some napkins, tell him to wrap it around his fingers and to NOT TOUCH ANYTHING. All of this, while I'm driving home as quickly as possible. Not 2 minutes goes by, and I see him scratching his face with the shitty hand! I am now yelling again, my blood pressure is escalating, and I'm thinking about replenishing my supply of hand sanitizer for the car. Another 5 minutes sees him now scratching his ear, again with the shitty hand. For Christ's sake, can I just get him to sit without touching anything? It's only 10 miles from where I was to my home, and yet we still weren't there. Before we got home, boy #2 also scratched boy #1's ear. Yes the same ear. I know he was only trying to help, but really? So we pull in and they are both clasping their hands together. Unbuckling was a snap. I had them unclasp, close their hands tightly, and maneuver out of the seat belt after I unbuckled each. I helped them out of the car, had them re clasp their hands and raise them overhead. I got them in the house, pushed up the jacket sleeves, scrubbed the hands, got the jackets off, scrubbed the face and ear, and threw the jackets into the wash.
Then I needed a drink.
Tuesday was picking up my Bro-in-law and family at SFO. Thirty minutes to get there, and 90 minutes to get home. During the ride home, the Nephews and Niece alternated crying, screaming and laughing hysterically. To say they were done in is an understatement at best. I also had the privilege of hearing about the extra TSA steps they had to take so that Bro-in-law could bring his firearm with them. Gee I feel safer already...
I needed a drink following that as well.
Wednesday and I had a nice long lunch with 2 friends who encouraged me to include the poo story in my book on boys. Christmas Eve found us at a relative's with kids who only wanted to open presents in a house that is not kid friendly. We survived it with little drama and even took a side trip to Bob's World 2. Little did I realize that putting together a Lego of 471 pieces for a 5 year old would take 2 hours. I think I could have done it alone in One. That put me to bed at 1am.
I collapsed into bed - no need for a beverage.
Yesterday was Christmas, and my blessed children waited until 6am to wake us, although they were up at 4:48. It was rainy and still very dark outside, but we were up and opening gifts. My folks came over at 7:30, I cooked Apple Cinnamon Ring, and Bacon with Coffee and Juice. We opened more gifts, and they went home at 9:00. The boys rode their scooters when the rain stopped, and we went to my In-laws at 11:00. I took boy #2 with me to my folks so I could see Sis, Nephews and an Aunt & Uncle. Boy #1 stayed and did PictoChat on his DS with Niece & Nephew. Went back to In-Laws and stayed until 8pm. By the time we came home I was ready to kill Ron, and his head was ready to explode from dealing with his family.
I desperately needed a drink after that, but my phone was refusing to recognize my SIM chip, and I was convinced that drinking would only reduce my impulse control, and I would have flushed it down the toilet.