Friday, May 3, 2013

Mental lint

So there is a ton of stuff just floating around in my brain. If you'll forgive the indulgence to follow:

The past three weeks have been unusually stressful and weird. This week in and of itself has been a weird roller coaster of being maudlin about what I will miss at the places The Boys and I have outgrown, and delight for some of the plans in place. There has been much stress over my responsibility in the success of The Boys at school. I have spent time with new friends, and even had worlds collide with my BFF meeting my new friends. the reception was a bit cool, though to be fair, there were assumptions on both sides, but I cannot choose between them. I will always choose BFF over anyone new (other than perhaps a romantic interest). That may be the end of those particular worlds colliding.

People at work keep trying to hand off work to me that is not mine, or assign work to me that is also not mine. 90% of my work time this week was devoted to about 10% of the organization, which means I'll be working over the weekend to catch up with what I actually should have been doing...

Also this weekend brings the first event with The Dude's extended family and his new family and me. I have been eating shittily, feeling particularly fat and sad and unhappy. I want to do something just for me, maybe even just alone. I need to clear my head. I need the ocean, and the sand. I need to sleep in a hammock. Oh, yeah I also just need to actually sleep. I've been thinking about taking up running, my hip and knee have been bothering me, I just don't feel like I fit anywhere in particular. There is no where that feels like "home" to me. I feel like a gal out of sorts, out of my element and out of my time.

I need to ground myself and surround myself with those who "get" me. I wonder if anyone really does "know" me, have I allowed anyone close enough, or has anyone cared enough? Do I trust anyone enough, or even trust myself? No clue, and lots of things to examine.

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